But I got worried at his absence and checked to find him, discovering then that he was dead. And it literally feels like a broken heart. I am so sorry. I thing about her was up until about a month into her pregnancy she was always the happy, understanding, loving person. I never fully understood that until we realized both knew it was far more. On Monday at about 5:30 with my mom, brothers, his brother and myself all by his side the nurses took out the tube. Later in the afternoon she yelled at me and another neighbor that we didnt care about her and when we said that yes we did she apologized but said it didnt matter because shed be dead soon. Completely didnt expect it she was always so against it my whole life. If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive. As a Whats Your Grief podcast and social media follower, I was pleasantly surprised to see this post pop up. So much death.The repairman said later it looked like she was trying to get down, but she had been standing in an old folding lawn chair and it had broken trapping her legs.So if I had not said Go Ahead, if I had run after her like always, if only I had not answered the front door, if I had not been so selfish in my grief for my husband. ~ Kathleen, claudia September 13, 2019 at 5:22 pm Reply. I am married to an old school Swiss and from what Ive seen, they dont believe in mental illness. You need to be with your family, to grieve. Julie W December 12, 2020 at 12:05 pm Reply, My husband took his life after a long battle with mental illness. After a suicide death, conflict may emerge because: Evidence suggests that suicidally bereaved individuals experience higher levels of rejection compared with other bereaved groups. I hope you find your way through this world and find contentment. The Internet becomes everything to them. Remember dumbo with his big ears. . I worked in Childrens Service when this happened and I was treated poorly, due to people not knowing how to approach me. Still cant get my head round it. My heart goes out to you. I remember the day specifically because it was also the day that I told him that I had filed for divorce and he needed to pick up the paperwork from my attorneys office. Still, I cannot get over the feeling that I shouldve found a way to stop her. Hard. 19 April was the worst day for my family too. Julia G. February 8, 2019 at 1:00 am Reply. My dads side of the family stopped talking to my mom, my brother and I. We had such a loving relationship that it is hard for me to understand that it was not enough for him to continue to live for. Call on your personal faith and values to help you through. He was so close to graduating college and he was the nicest person i knew, and best brother i could have asked for. I was the wrong one. All the best to you and your children. Both of my parents are psychologists, so they are taking it extra hard as they feel that they could've helped him more. He just refused any help. My brother had been talking of suicide for 4-5 years. Plus the friends and any of his professors. Please get help. If i hadnt of been so busy with my life i could have phoned my mum who was in the house with him and told her. I will miss him until my turn on Earth is up. Suicide aint the answer, one day or another they will realize they messed up and werent there for you and youll be there to hear that. One guy tried to kill himself 5 times. I have considered suicide over and over and over again. My parents care so much on her death they have forgotten to care about the rest of their children . When I received the devastating news I couldnt breathe, I still dont feel as though it actually happened. I am the father of two beautiful daughters. But I miss him terribly, I will forever. She had attempted suicide two other times in her life that I know of. He had reached the edge of the woods by the time I caught up with him. My mother by that time had developed Alzheimers disease and was in a nursing home. My son made his first suicide attempt at age 18. Also, the right support group could provide an environment of people who (in some ways, but not all) understand where youve been. It was shocking . He kept saying he was depressed and wasn't worth living. Please how can i fight this emptiness in me. It was only with decades of deeper understanding of myself and my family and my memories of stepdads personality combined with adult wisdom that I finally accepted the official cause of death as the truth. The last thing he ever told me was that he loved me and he missed me. He could not hold a job due to his mental state, It was just failure after failure until he reach a point where he had had enough of this life. My mother had attempted suicide twice before she finally succeeded, and I think I spent several years waiting for the other shoe to drop, so to speak. It was after a couple of months of his manic episode that was more intense than ever. Sounds like both of us had our sole mates and now they are gone with no answers. He immediately went back into the bedroom right next to the family room and my mom could hear him getting so angry at the gun. A book that has brought me some relief is Life After Life, by Raymond Moody. It shattered our familyor maybe just ended the illusion of being a family. His pwn pastor and best friend were concerned and tried to interact with him. i can not believe this is real, i keep telling myself this is a nightmare that i need to wake up from we had so many plans that are gone he has 2 daugthers and he 2 my 2 under his wing as his own, why couldnt he at least think about them and ask for help? But he kept refusing. A lot of it was in my mind-I felt like I was in more pain when, like you said, a lot of it was inner pain that manifested physically. Angela January 12, 2020 at 8:52 am Reply. And let me add that the girl he had a crush on was the most special of all of them. Only the person who dreams can interpret the dream . Im so sorry for what you are going through. <3, Litsa September 14, 2021 at 9:34 am Reply, Please know that you are very much not alone in this. I thought about her frequently and in 1995 one of my friends told me that she confided in him: she regretted staying with her boyfriend and wanted to be with me; but I no longer lived in her area and thought it best not to reach out to her. I just hope that all the people who loved him will be okay. I just didnt want anything like this to happen to him. Thankyou, Doug Overall May 27, 2016 at 3:16 pm Reply, Thank you for your posting. Wishing you strength and good days to come. Nobody wants to hear that descriptive phrase. Theyve been searching the Ohio River beneath the bridge where they think he may be every day, unless it rains, I believe, but havent found him. Especially when OP told him that he makes BAD memories feel like dreams and the brother ended up doing it to good memories. Know that there are support groups that can be helpful. He was my saving grace and confidant and someone who never judged me. I feel incredibly alone. Hes been gone 2 months. He was a good young man that I would do anything you asked him. I was around your age when I had a friend kill herself. Love and light to everyone going through this grief. I always knew there was something wrong with my brother; he was older than me, Im the youngest. Family have forgotten him, never say his name. The man I had an argument with an hour earlier, because I caught him in yet another lie. I have no one. Ive been reading articles to help me process things. I thought hed be a doctor, Id be his PA and wed have children together and be each others missing piece. Dorinda B Trumbauer February 16, 2019 at 4:36 pm Reply. there are days where i am sad, and everyday i still think about and miss someone who was once my only friend, but i am happy. Its such a tragic event and for everyone who loved her.such a loss, very cruel for her husband, and daughter, who she shared custody with her ex husband. Even my husband. I send prayers to you!!!!!!! He lost his son and I my brother- Our worlds are different and there is hope in prayer and in tomorrow. Im sorry for details. .. Figuring Sh*t Out being one of the books. Thank u Houston, jasmine September 20, 2017 at 6:22 pm Reply. My brother's life had been unfinished, as he had been so capable of many things, and here he sat with an entire laptop full of information that had never been completed. Hi Joanna. Its a open investigation. 2 years today Ill be writing about him today on idoltrash.com ty for this, Eleanor February 9, 2017 at 8:54 am Reply. My wife took her life almost 8 years ago. Its tragic, and it doesnt seem like its my new reality but I know that it is. Regina November 26, 2018 at 8:04 am Reply. I respect everyones right if they prefer not to use the word commited , but that is a word I do choose to refer to how my son ended his life. it is still all so not real to me . My dear Friend, I met her through her bf, ( he was new to the area and one day we started talking and ended up going to his where I met HER.. and smoked pot together.) I struggled for awhile about what to do but about 10-15 minutes later I heard a gun shot. (1983). What is it ?! Its been over a year and Ive been committed to mental hospital, went to prison and put myself in every dangerous position I possibly could. My mom heard me and shouted, asking me what was wrong and I just couldnt speak. I am very sorry for your loss. We spent some time with his body after they gave up and I took some snippets of his hair. And it wasnt just his close friends. My mom and my brother both lived across the country from us. My sister died in 2012 which tore me apart. I want give you my contact info some how if you ever need to reach out to anyone and have them listen. Cindy Zagorski January 20, 2018 at 1:57 am Reply. Since its happened my family are heart broken and never been the same again. We lost our son January 6 2021 to suicide Its a long complicated but amazing story. At one point I caught him being quite mean to my 7 lb dog. I am blessed to have two young adults sons from a previous marriage and a large network of friends keeping watch over me while I grieve, but I cant help being sadder than I ever thought possible. Then started asking if anything happens to him will I help his wife with the boys. They sent someone to the house to speak with her and to assess whether they could 302 her. He was out with his true friends just before. Keep wondering why, why, why?? You are not responsible, no matter how much his family makes you feel as though you are. I will delete your other comments as you requested, but please let us know if you would like for us to recommend some forums if connecting with people online is still something that interests you. Certainly, nobody will ever replace him, or the piece of my heart that he owns forever. I hurt so bad for my family and grandson . I couldnt have found a more wonderful, smart, funny, amazing man, except for this glitch in his brain. I have all these pain that I do not know how to deal with it. I miss him so much and while I always knew it was a possibility to lose him in this way, it wasnt expected/detectable this time and that mixed with my past of always being there except this time is making this so much harder. Many tried extremely brutal methods and still found themselves alive. I am so sorry. As the police came to the door he pulled the trigger. I told my co-workers I felt something wrong, and at 5 pm rushed home and searched until I found him. How do you move forward? I dont think I will ever enjoy life again. Can I kindly ask if you know which books helped you? I knew what mental illness was as I had suffered most of my life with severe depression and anxiety. I spent a few minutes remembering that when I was in summer school health class before starting highschool, we discussed suicide, and a classmates sharing was how I discovered that my ex-stepdad had shot himself and my family had not told me that he was gone, but some guy in my health class of kids from multiple high school campuses was a friend of my ex-step-brothers. And he said unto them, In what place soever ye enter into an house, there abide till ye . He was so passionate. I live in NZ, there is still great stigma around suicide here, and debate about how much should be reported in the media regarding the high suicide rates here. She said she wasnt sure how he even made it home. He would do this alot and sometimes Id think maybe he does not want me in his life. So with that being said, I continued to love this woman as I did when we met but just knowing we could never live together was tough. I hope you have peace now. He had told me for years (after seeing both our parents suffer horribly from cancer) that if he ever got cancer he would shoot himself. People have said shocking things to me, I now lash out and tell them that until they have walked in my shoes they know nothing. The death, which for so long could not be discussed, is now featured in the newspaper, from my dear mother who lied to us initially believing she was protecting us.. thank you very much for reading my pain that i have on my shoulders.. thanks again, Oswald julmi April 13, 2019 at 3:55 am Reply. He had almost the same situation and turned to drugs also. I lost my Fiance on May 28th 2019 its been 11 days and my heart is broken. When he pulled the trigger, he took not only himself, but he took me as well. Sunday morning when I woke, he was standing in the closest with his robe on. He came into me and my two daughters lives a couple years ago. The questions about what if jaunt me? I shouted his name and when he turned around i knew something was seriously wrong. He was the problem solver, the one person we could always count on to help us if we need it, and the glue. Sometimes, stories went around that her bf was hitting her, and every time people asked her about it, shed just say that she fell over or something..
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