why do serial cheaters want to stay married

Flickr/imagineitall. They might be cheating with more than one at a time, but they dont feel regret about it. Now, if he actually has the cahones to say that, I do believe it will deter her, at least for a while. Good point now I need to convince my husband to stop being a people pleaser and fearing offending everyone. He was way to friendly and was just lapping up all the attention with their seeking him out for his business acumen. Its bait. After a while, you literally dont feel bad about it. So learn as much as can in order to make an informed decision and follow that path that feels most right to you. I have another assistant who is perfect and keeps her mouth shut and does her work. I dont know about the positive attributes that your marriage possessed prior to his affair, but I am starting to think that he really is not worth your time. They didnt. If the pain of staying with this person outweighs the joy you have with them, tune into that because it is telling you something important. Ill bet she has a thousand more questions Thani and why because she never really knew him and well he lied to her just as much if not more than he lied to me. I dont think my h would have been so understanding if it was me who betrayed him, so take it as a positive step, at renewing your marriage, renewing that spark that you both had when you first met. The tendency of a narcissist to cheat on a partner comes from a combination of factors. (Financial constraints. It is all depending on how the person concerned is feeling," Lee told INSIDER. They seemed like the perfect couple. A partner who has cheated before is likely to cheat again. Share on Facebook He did not have positive role models and he does not know how to do things differently. What Garrett is basically saying is that serial cheaters are either sociopaths who dont feel guilt or remorse about sleeping around, or theyve simply cheated so much that their brains have adapted to their sinful, adulterous ways, and they dont care anymore. For some reason my AP didnt seem we quite as bad to me when he was cheating WITH me, not ON me. His needs are paramount and everyone else exists just to fill them. Oh Eyes, I am so, so sorry if I made you feel bad You know that was NOT my intention. Ignore her, both of you. He said that it wasnt all your fault though which really made me cross. Should you leave? Thus, I subscribe to the When Harry met Sally viewpoint that men and women CANNOT be friends. This is how they live; basically, their whole life is built around being able to score with another person. There is a saying, once a cheater, always a cheater. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. "They might begin way ahead of time by telling you that their workload at the office just dramatically increased because of reorganization or people leaving," Wish told INSIDER. Huge mistake.. Have to weigh in on this string bc I have the exact same problem. Serial cheaters don't all cheat for the same reason and Edelman believes it can stem from personality disorders, mood disorders, or past trauma like . How do you put a face to infidelity? Anyone with half a brain knows that most of us women feel unsure of ourselves in such a situation. She has to see that he has no interest in her, but his own family. When my friend tried to leave for good, he turned up the heat and was quasi-stalking her. But, he is still a naturally likable guy and many women misread it. Do any of you ladies have any advice on what I can do to up the ante with this female co-worker who will not go away? too many rules and regulations. The rest of the details that you provide indicate the typical predator/prey dynamic that narcissists thrive on. Is rhis a description of the president elect? Thanks for telling your story so please dont take my comments as derogatory or personal. It also kept me from being the best mother I could be for my kids. The Illness of Cheating: Why Do People Cheat in Relationships? So good, in fact, that LeslieBeth Wish, a noted psychotherapist, author, and founder of Love Victory said cheaters will sometimes lay the groundwork for future lies ahead of time in order to cover their tracks later on in the relationship. Hes a good guy who got caught up and manipulated in something he was just not smart enough to get out of. I was speechless that he thought I would!! The only way to know for sure is to have an honest conversation. This gives him the freedom to continue hurting her because he thinks that shell stand by him no matter what. He may consider it a mistake, even if it keeps on happening. They found that what they term as sexual personality is the most likely factor to increase the likelihood that people will cheat. This chick is NO dummy. "Now you're not sure when you're going to see or hear from your partner. She wants to see you squirm when shes around. Cinderella is kind of a bitch. He sees no reason to leave his wife because he just wanted to experience some physical pleasure on the side. He may feel that his marriage is over and thats why he cheated. It is HARD to say to yourself that things werent as they seemed, that maybe you were used, and that you werent special to that PARTICULAR PERSON. The Psychodynamic Process Enables Cheating In the quest for narcissistic supply, the somatic narcissist resorts to serial sexual conquests. Until she finally needed that sucker to hold her hand, as she had finally decided to walk away from her h, and go for a divorce, unfortunately she decided to target my h, after I had told her that he had helped out several cousins, that that was the only reason they called him, and nagged him when they needed something from him. Limited-Time Deal on Marriage Course. My husband meets everyone qualification as a cereal cheater, is it even possible for him to change? May you have many more years together, growing together, and may your husband continue to recognize and show gratitude for the jewel that he has had all along. That can take a long time . On my last day of work the AP called me into his office and said hed been to SLAA, hed never loved me and that I made men with self esteem problems feel good about themselves. But, I am glad you are standing up for yourself by removing yourself from the situation. The truth is. He would be out the door. LOL I hired a woman who tried a little too hard to impress my H. She turned on the charm with him, complimenting him on his clothes, making up meetings she had to have with him about FILING?? Chaos can feel like passion. The affair started when her marriage was already falling apart. The guy was not married either. One day, I think it would be useful for me to list all the things he said about his w and me about my h cos frankly we probably all read from the same script !! Talk about not knowing that you dont shit where you eat!!! I think serial cheaters are the same way, even when they arent doing anything they are just one step away from it. People from all sorts of backgrounds and with all types of personality are capable of cheating. Once he saw me, he was covered in guilt, and must have thought that he was in too deep to ever think I would want to keep him. Shes lying to seem more swanky and chic. He became a pro. As for your older female colleague and her recommendations, she is right and it has always been my attitude, even prior to being married. Using a licensed therapist as a sounding board as you work your way towards a decision will be the best move you can make in this situation. No, cause this is what he DOES, to everyone he is involved with. It can be challenging to engage with intimacy in a healthy way if a person has other challenges within themselves that they have yet to unpack. Going from two incomes down to one does not feel secure, at least at first. Why do serial cheaters want to stay married? Thank you, Trying. "Calling out the wrong name in the heat of passion is a faux pas that's hard to backpedal," Winter explained, while pet names are easy to remember. Strong, confident folks? Giz Im an introvert and have many of the traits you speak of. Zeynep Yenisey. Here are the common traits of a serial cheater: Sociopathic attitudes: Constant disregard for rules; lacks guilt and remorse when caught doing something harmful. I mean is there ever a story about affair partners saying oh yeah my wife is lovely, shes beautiful, successful, a wonderful lover, great mother, I just like screwing other people on the side and lying to her. They have to believe her sob story and she has to believe his. Anyhow, during the time he was cheating on me, I remember that he would make random comments about how I was not the life of the party and how that was a bad thing. He's looking for something new. Cheaters "deflect pointed conversations by changing the true subject and always minimizing their actions," award-winning therapist and survivor of psychological abuse. (There are sincere compliments that normal people give each other and then there are the over the top compliments and flattery that narcs give.). Its hard to feel like mr. Stud when you are sleeping on your mamas couch, lol. Cheating Girlfriend? He wasnt a thief or beater,either. I do not know how you held out 6 months. He opened a business with whom I did business and we shared business contacts. The lengths that this guy would go to were more skilled than almost anything I had seen or read about. If he wasnt angry, she wouldnt have had you listen, as that doesnt show him as being a bad exh. Thankyou for showing my h, never to trust anyone again, especially relatives like you. Its a power play on her part. Here are some common traits that repeat cheaters share. Once they get so entangled in the affair and all the talk about each others misery in the primary relationships fuels and perpetuates the affair. Even so, he keeps on cheating again and again because of two reasons they cant live without it and they know they can get away with it. He didnt get to go through all his explanations and get his ego stroked anymore. I may not always respond, but I read everything you write, because you my friend, are such a good soul. Interesting to see what people come up with. Therefore, he doesnt believe theres any reason for his wife to find out. What I gave her each time was a test to see if she had the guts to face me one-on-one for coffee. When he wanted an ego boost,some drama, and a nice piece of ass, call gizfield, day or night cause she loves you and will come running. Wish I could invite you all over for a Chablis or two. I said and by the way, she did the wrong thing, putting her exh on speaker phone, because she only did that, so out of all the conversations you hear of them talking, she puts the one on that has him get angry on. If he were single and dating, this would not go over well. How To Get A Girlfriend In Real Life? Well since I work with him in the same office at our business there is no room for any kind of office romanceexcept with me of course!! I also like to be alone a lot, and have solitary interests, like reading, crafts, playing games , watching movies. That is the only way to be since trying to fix someone ultimately ends in frustration and bitterness. Blame their exes way too much. FYI the Ow in my H life had tons of sob stories like that. Definitely for the best. I see them in therapy, and theyre ready to change; its usually because theyve gotten older, theyve gotten wiser, theyve destroyed their life, and theyre basically alone and miserable. He knows that most are only after what they can.get out of you. Unless they legitimately have a problem they're seeking treatment for, this may not be true. We do it for many reasons, most of which are good. Then I found here, in my despair. When we talk about the ow, Im sure you know we are not meaning you, your one of us, really, you have been seeking out help and support, just like us, just a little bit on different sides of the fence. So that is his part of it. However, human behavior is always complex and a myriad of factors play into the decisions people make, for the better or for the worse. He has always kind of been a flirt when I take my youngest to see him, even though he is married. It truly is mind boggling the number of women who just dont care. Stupid skank, she may have thought she got what she wanted when they were overseas together, and the poor little wife didnt have a clue, but she had reality slap her in the face, on his arrival home. Yep he was stupid enough to invite the camel into the tent. Here are some common traits that repeat cheaters share. Ive seen several instances on here where affair partners still think the other person is good when evidence points to the contrary. Sarah, I know there wasnt much I could have done to stop my h ea, it started when he was overseas, so I was out of sight out of mind to him, that was until he had to face me, with what he had done. They know how to use their charm in order to win people over pretty easily. You tell yourself that all that was just an illusion because your partner was also capable of such lying and deception. Does serial infidelity have anything to do with personality disorders? I am at a loss. We always love hearing from you and appreciate your support! HEY WAIT, isnt that what my own semi narcissist husband did to me???? My husband also worked with his affair partner for several years and initially ignored the occasional over the line comments. Yes parking lot ass kicking she will understand. But, the good news is, I am observing a change in society that started to begin in the early 2000s. Never going to mistrust my own gut over trusting someone else. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. Out of body experiences. Thankyou the I think we have all learned that lesson, I am sure we all need to make sure we dont waste what we have learned. I am fine, I knew along time ago, that she must have had an eye on my h, just by the rumours her h apparently spread about her. Thankyou very much Doug, I think my h has come a long way, since dday. So if you notice that your partner is very into themselves, that's a red flag to keep in mind. I would never intentionally say anything to hurt someone, well yes I would if they are a total asshole but certainly not anyone really trying to do right.

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