277. We have a connection. 2. Today, I am thankful for this week. Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. Well, I guess I have to be odd to be number one. Seeing a spider in my room isnt scary. If Im not there, I go to work. Robert Orben, 4. Declare your affirmations slowly and clearly. Perhaps youre just starting to use affirmations and still cant take yourself seriously. The world needs people like me to keep things interesting!, 15. 278. 8. One thing you need to remember though; if you are going to be funny, then make sure youre actually funny. 28. 48. Its not important to win, its important to make the other guy lose. I accept my body the way it is today. 192. When our phones fall, we panic; but when our friends fall, we laugh. Snowballs. So life is not always "All The Way Up", I guess. These little phrases can be said aloud or written down anywhere to remind yourself that everything will turn out okay. No one is immune to self-sabotage, heartbreak, loss, and failure. Whatever I do, I will do it for fun, but with dedication and focus. 37. I dont need excuses, because I never mess things up. I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status. 39. My jokes do. 151. I celebrate the highs, learn from the lows and now I release it into the past. Yeah, so is a grenade. I dont need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. Dont make me laugh, Im trying to be mad at you. 14. I may not know karate, but I know crazy and Im not afraid to use it. However, just saying these statements out loud wont cut it. Sometimes I am so freaking awesome, I blow my own mind. Start as soon as you wake up in the morning. 19. Chop your own wood. 229. It was created to do amazing things. Even on my worst day, Ive still got 24 hours., 6. Without further ado, let's look at 20 funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. Sincerely, the floor. Leave me a if you agree! health is important. My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldnt walk to the donut shop. 31. 99 Positive Morning Affirmations You Can Use Daily 60 Short & Funny Motivational Quotes to Laugh About - Wealthy Gorilla 119. I dont need you to remind me of my age at work, I have a bladder that will do that for me., 8. 35. 154. Is it perfect? 272. 219. So far, so good. Short Funny Sayings He who laughs last didnt get it. Short Positive Affirmations - 110 Powerful Affirmations - Mindbless The best things in life are free. 5. Some when they enter, others when they leave., 2. 44. Robert Bloch The world needs people like me to keep things interesting! It has many of the same goals as affirmations, as theyre both associated with positivity and happiness. Dave Barry. Work smarter, not for owning iPhones, but for not fearing their breaks. No matter how bad it gets, Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. God's promises are here to give you perfect peace, good news, renew your strength and reveal the will of God in your life. 181. 3. 141. The 50 Funniest Inspirational Quotes - Curated Quotes Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once. But then again so does . Czech proverb 274. 114. 143. Every time I like the taste of the food, I am damn sure that its unhealthy for me. 197. 244. Ill start this journey with my 10 favorite funny affirmations that never fail to make me laugh. 4. 277. God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. Im sorry that Im not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse. 126. 56. 121. Every day, read them aloud for the best results. Giving up on your goal because of one setback is like slashing your other three tires because you got a flat., 6. 23. As a result, youll stay consistent, and with affirmations, consistency is the name of the game. Fortunately, theres a way to reap the benefits of these powerful statements by giving them a humorous twist. Edward A. Murphy I never apologize. 103. Good morning! 222. If you were able to believe in Santa Claus for 8 -9 years, you can believe in yourself for at least 5 minutes. After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says W T F. I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome. 10 Funny Affirmations That Will Put A Smile On Your Face - QuoteReel Look, youre smiling! 26. 26. 77. 157. 165. Pat Sajak, 41. 63. 154. 205. INSPIRATIONAL positive mindset affirmation #shorts #short #shortvideo Im not arguing, Im just telling you why youre wrong. When I grow up to be a parent, my children will think the same about me. You can't wait for inspiration. Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control. 212. 68. I am awesome. 132. Ben Hogan. Erma Bombeck. 24. I am full of vitality. We all have those days when we feel like the world is coming to an end. If at first, you dont succeed, so much for skydiving. Im describing you. 61. I did not trip and fall. Finally, if you want a simple tool to record and recite these affirmations, then check out these 13 affirmations apps that help you create a positive mindset. "Once you choose hope, anything's possible.". Whats the difference between a guitar and a fish? These kinds of things just come with the territory if youre trying to live a meaningful life. 94. A backbone. 148. I used to have winter fat but now I have spring rolls. 236. I'm doing great. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? 5. 7. Or maybe, you just love cracking jokes and making people laugh. 259. It is, therefore, safe to say that, sense of humor can help you become successful in whatever you choose to do in life. Good morning! It doesnt work if it is not open. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. "If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.". 1. I am lazy till I get a motive. I love my body. My sense of humor makes the world a better place., 8. I wish my wallet came with free refills. Are these genes in your jeans or are you just happy to see me? And no, that's definitely not a bad thing! Bill Murray Im going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, Im outstanding. My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. You might use humor as a coping mechanism. Even on my worst day, Ive still got 24 hours. I used to have winter fat but now I have spring rolls. Discover short videos related to funny affirmations on TikTok. 192. Keep your affirmations in the present. 49. It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when Im with you. 222. You might enjoy: Affirmations: 13 Answers You Should Know. But even if this does happen, who cares? 57. 257. I love my job only when Im on vacation. Give your body time to absorb the positivity and let go of negative thoughts. Use them as a tool to boost your self-esteem and productivity, as well as to overcome procrastination and complete all assigned tasks. 2. Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal. To thrive in life you need three bones. 270. Mind blown! What is Mozart doing right now? Im sorry that Im not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse. 123. Always remember youre unique, just like everyone else. Wake up and smell the birdshit on your windshield., 10. Let these funny affirmation quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day. 10. Next up is a collection of funny affirmations that will make you love yourself more. 53. I understand success cant happen overnight. 150. What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? Im not lazy, Im on power saving mode. I dont need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry. It may look like Im doing nothing, but in my head, Im quite busy. I bet giraffes dont even know what farts smell like. Funny Affirmation - Etsy I get it nowIm single because Im a superhero., See also: 140 Single Quotes For Instagram Celebrating Single Life. I radiate calmness and tranquility, with a little side of body odor., 4. 103. Enjoy! Youre born free, then youre taxed to death. 146. How Do People Share The News About Their Engagements? Oh sheet! As you can see, laughter is already a powerful tool on its own. Ann Landers, 244. Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake. Maybe there are no excuses to be lazy, but Im still going to keep looking. Laughter has always been lauded for its therapeutic effects. You dont have to be crazy to be my friend, but it helps. 40 Positive Affirmations to Repeat for Success and Happiness - Oprah Daily 129. Steven Alexander Wright. Hi! 225. Im in desperate need of a 6-month vacation, twice a year. I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? 248. 45 Self-Compassion Affirmations to Practice when Feeling Low. 69. Alison Boulter. I am stepping out of my comfort zone, no matter how small the step. Any text will do. Jun 19, 2018 - Explore Jamie Hadland's board "funny/sarcastic affirmations" on Pinterest. 11. 2. Also read: 70+ Positive Affirmations For Teens From Parents. Not everyone has good taste. If you dont succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried. Its not easy staying motivated for work all the time. 6. "I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet, miss a car payment. The world is missing some pizzazz. - Irish Saying. Relax, its the weekend, just dont blink or it will be all over. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. Albert King. Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. Give me a photo of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas. If Cinderellas shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? It doesnt work if it is not open. Funny Wednesday Work Quotes. 200+ Funny Life Quotes Dripping With Sarcasm And Wit - Scary Mommy My wife and I were happy for 20 years, then we met. Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late. 72. 108. If you have crazy friends you have everything youll ever need. I stick to things until I get to my destination., 12. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wifes mother. It makes them so damned mad. If you are looking for a way to get more laughs in your day, try some of these funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. The world is my buffet, and my plate is ready to go. Some people are like clouds. Lifes biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I dont want to get out of bed. Let us know which of these motivational affirmations inspired you the most. 100 Short Positive Affirmations: Keep Repeating Them Im in desperate need of a 6-month vacation, twice a year. I love myself, which is why I dont need to love the idea of other people loving me., 12. I wish my wallet came with free refills. Billy Wilder. 230. And in that moment I swear I still didn't give a shit. Hence, avoid using past or future tenses. My goal this weekend is to move, just enough so people dont think Im dead. Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when Im with you. Make the statements about yourself and for yourself. Charles M. Schulz. 186. I am wise enough to make the same mistake again!, 8. Affirmations for wealth can be a great way of getting your thoughts in order and creating a positive outlook. Frances McDormand -Gandhi. Relax, its the weekend, just dont blink or it will be all over. Friends buy you food. My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again. We are going to be best friends forever, besides you already know too much. I just go normal from time to time. How do astronomers organize a party? People only rain on my parade because they are jealous of my sun and tired of their shade. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. Oscar Wilde, 5. My diet for today: 1% food, 99% Halloween candy. 62. Im not insulting you. Maybe there are no excuses to be lazy, but Im still going to keep looking. Short Funny Affirmations - Finally, I'm Revealing My Secret 71. Repeat the affirmation as many times as you see fit. When the past comes knocking, dont answer. "May your yoga pants be stretchy, your coffee be strong and your Wednesday be short.". I am feeling wittier and more naturally funny. The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa. Plus, youre never gonna become funny and charismatic by being afraid to speak your mind. If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blanket back to your side. .People who enjoy making other people laugh are also known to be more detail oriented. Stuart Turner Never let your best friends get lonely, keep disturbing them. Pleasing everyone, thats impossible. The best way for me to appreciate my job is to imagine myself without one. 52. 67. To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. 183. 9. I put my phone in airplane mode, but its not flying. Then perhaps youd find value in these articles on. If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? 20 Positive Affirmations You Can Use to Inspire Your Life - Mindvalley Blog 174. 189. I have a new hairstyle today, its called I tried., 136. I am so worthy so that I am filling the life of people with fun and joy. 2. It just plain forms. 164. Making everyone angry, piece of cake. Milton Berle I am changing all my useless things into something productive by working on them. I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better. We need to hear a pin drop. I wasnt mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if Im mad.. yes, Im mad! My future is a golden, sparkly, explosion of fucking awesomeness. 217. Are these genes in your jeans or are you just happy to see me? Required fields are marked *. I am here not to compete because I know I am neither the fastest nor the smartest. 29. My funny vibes attract my happy tribe. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? IRS: Weve got what it takes to take what you have got. What do I do for a living? Pampered cows produce spoiled milk. 269. I am just making myself capable enough to live in the moment. 264. I tell you what always catches my eye. 80. 17. You may have people laugh at you instead of with you. First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. 96. 134. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow as well. 105. May your yoga pants be stretchy, your coffee be strong and your Wednesday be short., See also: 120 Inspiring Wednesday Morning Blessings To Motivate You. Affirmations are a powerful tool to overcome self-sabotaging thoughts and boost your self-esteem. Bill Murray So, you promise yourself from tomorrow on, youll be starting your days using affirmations. We get so worried about being pretty lets be pretty kind, pretty funny, pretty smart, pretty strong., 9. I am adventurous. 36. Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible? All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips. You cant have everything, where would you put it? When life closes a door, just open it again. HAM AND EGGS A days work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig. Not me, but somebody does. You deserve it! 75 Powerful Affirmations for Self-Love - Fun Loving Families 155. I release all shame about my body. 149. I wonder why spiderman narrated it the other way round. Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math. 180+ Positive Affirmations For Kids To Boost Motivation And Confidence I am not letting an episode of my life ruin the entire show. I tried looking at the bright side of life, but it hurt my eyes. 117. No matter how bad it gets Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. 38. I dont go crazy, I am crazy. Quotes To Inspire You (MLK), 80 Life Gets Better Quotes To Brighten Your Day (Hope), 50 Bad Luck Quotes When You Feel Ill-Fated. Pardon me, I have 6 pounds of boneless mass to get rid of. "Who you are inside is what helps you make and do everything in life". I really should do something with my life, maybe tomorrow. grateful. 25. [click_to_tweet tweet=I can always think of something funny to say. quote=I can always think of something funny to say. theme=style4], 2023 Oldtown Publishing LLC 479 State Route 17 N 161. Sometimes the M is silent. Cindy from Marzahn A mind is like a parachute. 1. Rodney Dangerfield, 198. Yes, officer, I saw the speed limit, I just didnt see your car. Ive made it from the bed to the couch. Theres life without Facebook and internet? Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late. 262. Short people with an umbrella. 32. A wishbone. Its alright if you dont agree with me, I cant force you to be right. Can February march? 142. ( @malacollective) Fear and adventure go hand-in-hand when you're following your dreams. The Only 100 Positive Affirmations You Will Ever Need 7. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. 10. 247. And one of the fundamental truths in life is that they will make . A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have. 30 Short Daily Affirmations for Living Your Best Life - Healing Brave Ive got three bones. If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible? People say you cant live without love, but I think oxygen is more important. Because it was soda pressing. 123. 41 Positive Affirmations & Positive Quotes To Treasure I eat cake because its someones birthday somewhere today. Positive affirmations are a longstanding practice for those of us who need a little extra daily encouragement, and the best part isthey're free and they're flexible! I am already great, and I am yet to reach my full potential. Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now thats confusing. I give over my anxiety to God, knowing His peace will protect my heart and mind. Consider what you want to accomplish using these witty affirmations, and go for the ones that will bring you closer to that goal. 170. Cindy from Marzahn. 138. Not only can laughter improve our problem-solving skills, but it can also help battle various diseases. Short Positive Daily Affirmations. Wake up and smell the birdshit on your windshield. If you think nobody cares if youre alive, try missing a couple of car payments. 3. When you leave work on Friday, leave work. 224. Go to bed with satisfaction.". 87. Bowling Alley: Please be quiet. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button. I am grateful for all that I have. I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. Im old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway. 111. Subscribe To Our Newsletter! 125. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. If you cant laugh at your own problems, call me and Ill laugh at them. A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand. I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. Your email address will not be published. 215. 210. A perfectly executed joke, said at a right time and at a right place, can change an awkward situation into a comfortable one. Honolulu, its got everything. Raimonda.B. 195. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldnt complain. Get Love Tips Sent Straight To Your Inbox. I dont worry about getting older. Breasts dont have eyes. Your actions become your habits. Because they make up everything. Walter Bagehot Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once. Quotes that make no sense Photo: pexels.com (modified by author) Source: UGC. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. Choose words that make you feel confident about yourself. 22. The thing is, Im still getting ready. I'm Sergios Rotar, a 21 years old personal development enthusiast. 173. Get help beating negative thinking by reciting positive affirmation every day. I am not only pretty but also pretty awesome, pretty smart, and pretty kind. 275. 203. This might be a work in progress, or you might need to remind yourself of how funny you actually are. All you need is love. If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot. 52. I am lazy till I get a motive. 116. Life is always rocky when youre a gem. But sometimes affirmations may not work. Albert Einstein 191. 99. Its okay, he woke up. 252. 160. When shit hits the fan at work, I turn it into fertilizer. 112. When, in fact, we must be optimistic and supportive of ourselves. Wilson Mizner, 262. Today I was a hero. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. Because seven ate nine. I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case were having cake. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. 80 Funny Quotes To Make You Smile | Shutterfly - Ideas & Inspiration Once you're feeling happy and confident about your sense of humor, use these 35 affirmations to navigate challenging situations with a smile. 184. "Being funny doesn't take much effort.". 18 Funny Positive Affirmations. To make time fly, throw your watch out the window. I dont cross oceans for people who wouldnt cross puddles for me. 227. You can also think of your affirmations while you work, drive, do yoga, or simply enjoy time with friends. Im not lazy, Im just very relaxed. Be like a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet from the inside., 11. Its okay if people dont like me. 250. How do you count cows? You are good enough, smart enough, beautiful enough, and strong enough. 1. Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday? 20. 36. Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday? 9. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. My body belongs to me and I can set boundaries around it. I love my job only when Im on vacation. 176. If you feel like todays not your day and the best thing would be to stay in bed, Ive got something that will cheer you up. "Life is like a roller coaster pic - scary at the moment, funny looking back.". They log in. And a funny bone. I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. 156. I can always think of something funny to say. I have Alzheimers bulimia, first I eat everything in sight and then I forget to puke. 200. If I want a squirrel to like me, I guess I gotta act like a nut. Because seven ate nine. 203. Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesnt contain any calories. 8. What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? Dont forget that you get 24 hours, even on your worst day. Did you know that having a good sense of humor is very important when it comes to social interaction? My past is just a bad book that deserves to be in the trash. 137. I personally love watching masters of comedy, Feel free to pick a few of these affirmations and say them to yourself the next time youre. I understand people talking about me. Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now thats confusing. A bargain is something you dont need at a price you cant resist. Sorry, I didnt pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone. Trust me, your secrets are safe with me and all of my friends. Also read: 50+ Powerful Positive Affirmations For Exams. Benjamin Franklin. Whatever you must do todaydo it with the confidence of a 4-year-old in a Batman cape., 2. 76. New year, new me. 100 Funny Monday Quotes and Sayings - Inside Of Happiness Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. I often wish I was someone else Just so I could hang around with someone as awesome as me. Some when they enter, some when they leave. I make people laugh, whether its with me or at me., 8. 198. "Your mistakes don't define you.". Your values become your destiny. My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people., 5. Im not arguing, Im just telling you why youre wrong. 51. Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. I love the moment when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today. Begin your days with these powerful, funny affirmations for self-esteem. You never run out of things that can go wrong. Every one of my colleagues brings happiness into the office. My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them. The library, because it has so many stories. 20 Most Powerful Affirmations Because Thoughts Become Things All rights reserved. Smiles are contagious, be a carrier. I would have appreciated exams if they had allowed our Pokemons and Ninjas. And a funny bone. If you see affirmations that say " I will, " " I used to, " or " I'm going to, " then this is NOT an affirmation. You can write them on sticky notes to set on your mirror, on the notes app in your phone for on-the-go encouragement, or you can simply memorize your favorites and recite . 131. Helen Giangregorio "After 30, a body has a mind of its own.". Whenever I get back home, I lose all the superpowers that I had when with friends. Robert Bloch. I am so f*cking awesome. With great power comes an even greater electricity bill. Im a work in progress without a completion date., See also: 120 Ultimate Best Quotes About Progress To Fuel Your Growth. 229. 121. Sam Levenson. 8. Today I will embrace the poop., 7. 73. If you just want to keep reading, then heres some affirmations about the funny side of friendship. Words have the power to make or break us. I love the moment when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today., 12. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. Dont drink to forget me, youll end up seeing me double. Marriage is like a walk in the park, Jurassic Park. 139. You might enjoy: Affirmations: 13 Answers You Should Know He said, 'So does the guy I stole it from.'" 59. 41. 65 Funny Positive Affirmations That Work For Everyone - ThediaryforLife Reciting witty affirmations can help you rise above any problems you encounter. 136. George Burns, 253. 63. I enjoy every minute of it. In between, I am alive. Giving up on myself because of one setback is like slashing my other three tires because one is flat. As long as I have best friends as weird as me, I have everything., 10. Emphasis on the cool. 240. Its okay if people dont like me. The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
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