Because they're very good at it. Where does Batman go to the bathroom? He only comes once a year. 32. You can also sign up for our newsletter so you don't miss out on what's next! Why didn't the skeleton get a prom date? If you are looking for a complete list of Cortana commands, check out this page . If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. "I'm a. This had the gang in the orchestra pit howling. If a woman sleeps with 10 men shes a slut, but if a man does it Hes gay, definitely gay. It is a pretty rude thing to say. Why is being in the military like a blow-job? What did one hat say to the other? 28. In many cases, these and the previously-suggested formulas are no more than conversational fillers; the direct approach of just asking the question you want to ask often is a better thing to do. The first nun had a stroke, the second nun had a stroke, the third nun couldnt reach. But these clever jokes offer something special: In addition to making others laugh, they make you sound smart. "What's the bad news?" asks the accused. What did the left eye say to the right eye? Hear that? Whos there? There is the attention you were looking for. For example, Alexa can tell you Star Wars jokes, yo mama jokes and even some interesting trivia facts. I finally decided to sell my vacuum cleaner. "I'm not sure; I was born with them.". They both have an ability to misfire. This is another funny response that will leave the question asker feeling confused and dumbfounded while also returning to them the disrespect that they have shown you. * No, but this is more stupid than anything I might have said. The German replies, "Nein, just one.". If idiots grew on trees, this place would be an orchard. Why did the student eat his homework? Explanation: Youve probably heard the saying If Ive told you once, Ive told you a thousand times. Well, consider this the math joke versionyou know, because math equations use letters in place of unsolved numbers. We recommend our users to update the browser. Da brie was everywhere. Think Im sarcastic? Get out of here! shouts the bartender. You might enjoy: 50 Dirty Comebacks and Insults to Win Every Argument. If I promise to miss you, will you go, like, really far away? var xhr = new XMLHttpRequest(); What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato? Article continues below advertisement. Explanation: Once he hits zero in the countdown, its all negative numbers from there. Between you and me, something smells. What do you call a lazy kangaroo? Don't care + didn't ask + L + Ratio + soyjak + beta + cringe + stfu + cope + seethe + ok boomer + incel + virgin + Karen + + you are not just a clown, you are the entire circus + + nah this ain't it + do better + check your privilege + pronouns in bio + anime pfp + . Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common? Its To Whom. Officials have announced that these frequently used products could result in infection. What do the Mafia and pussies have in common? She gave me an Australian kiss. 3. What should you say when someone says, Who asked?. They are similar to the phrase "shut up"and may be considered rude to use. Keep the tip. 43. A buccaneer. Following that logic, this rhetorical joke doesnt have an answer either. With a mon-key. What did the banana say to the vibrator? What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills? Ten-tickles. Why having fun with a prostitute is like a bungee jumping? Losing my virginity was a lot like how I learned to ride a bike. I hate it when I go to hug someone really sexy and my face smashes right into the mirror. Remains to be seen. Whats worse than waking up at a party and finding a penis drawn on your face? 42. A liar. Those are just contractions., Why the big pause? asks the bartender. Whats the difference between a girlfriend and wife? 3. Why was six afraid of seven? Dinner's on me. So what's the best way to get your child to tap into their funny side? What did the mother rope say to her child? Waiter if I get my hands on you! Once a girl looked at me and shouted loudly, I don't want to sit next to her! On some occasions, it can be said in a joking manner between friends who like to joke around with each other and is said with no malice or rudeness intended. I like waiters, they bring a lot to the table. No? But John came fifth and won a toaster. It all depends on you and the situation. 3. Whats the difference between a woman with PMS and a terrorist? It lightens the weights we carry in life, uplifts our moods, and bonds us to those we share in it with. So they don't peel. Whos There? if you were actually the one being rude and butted into a conversation you were not a part of, a clever or funny response is not appropriate and it would be best to say nothing and simply step away. It is hard to know what response to go with, clever or funny. Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? Aye matey. The photon says, No, Im traveling light.. And God said to John, "Come forth and you shall be granted eternal life." Why couldn't the knife go back in the drawer? How do celebrities stay cool? When I was in junior high, the girls in my class would laugh at me or ask questions designed to embarrass me. Wife comes back from the doctor and says to her husband: The speed limit of sex is 68, because at 69 you have to turn around. I stood at the front, cleared my throat, choked back the tears, and said, "Plethora." This is a funny response that puts the focus on the other person. Whether youre in the middle of a heated argument or simply trying to have a conversation, it can be incredibly frustrating when the other person responds with a flippant did I ask?. Dont assume thats not a major incentive. Never criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes. Why did the cowboy get a wiener dog? Here's the URL for this Tweet. Theres nothing worse than someone asking you a question and then responding with, who asked you?. A four-chin teller. You mustve misheard me. What did the rock drummer call his twin daughters? In fact, it could make things worse by escalating the situation and giving the troll more attention. A little horse. I swear I wasnt lying, I was just writing fiction with my mouth again. Which branch of the military accepts toddlers? Did you hear about the guy whose left side was cut off? Pun lovers have been pondering what one thing said to another since almost the beginning of time. Fish Lunch Box Jokes + Printable Cards. 33. What's Forrest Gump's email password? I cant wait to see her face light up when she opens it. Take my advice its not like Im dumb enough to. I took the shell off of my racing snail, thinking it would make him faster. I was horrified when my wife told me that my six-year-old son wasn't actually mine. "No, I'm not, but don't take my word for it, ask your dad.". 2022 Galvanized Media. Example of When did I ask? Would you rather have a million bucks, or [insert name]s head full of nickels? 31. Did you fall from heaven? The attorney tells the accused, "I have some good news and some bad news.". This ability to anonymously put your thoughts out there for others to see leads people to frequently type and publish things they would NEVER say to someone's face. A cat has claws at the end of paws; A comma is a pause at the end of a clause. Just be careful: You can send some of these memes as a message to the right person: Whats 6 inches long, 2 inches wide, and drives women wild? I was kidnapped by mimes once. Explanation: A rhetorical question is one thats asked in order to make a point but doesnt require an answer. A cocker-poodle boo. Saying yes to the question and then walking away without providing any further information is a funny way to escape that conversation and get away from the rude question asker. 27. In his sleevies. A chicken sees a salad. In addition to the 70 jokes below, we've also got .css-k807px{-webkit-text-decoration:underline;text-decoration:underline;text-decoration-thickness:0.0625rem;text-decoration-color:brandColorSenary;text-underline-offset:0.25rem;color:#006603;-webkit-transition:background .4s ease-in-out,color .4s ease-in-out;transition:background .4s ease-in-out,color .4s ease-in-out;background:linear-gradient(to bottom,#e6f4e1 0,#e6f4e1 100%);-webkit-background-position:0 100%;background-position:0 100%;background-repeat:repeat-x;-webkit-background-size:0 0;background-size:0 0;}.css-k807px:hover{color:#29511A;text-decoration-color:border-link-body-hover;-webkit-background-size:0.625rem 3.125rem;background-size:0.625rem 3.125rem;}dad jokes, jokes for kiddos, mom jokes, and jokes for holidays that you can share them with the youngest person in the room. The doctor replies, Sorry, I dont follow you . Its the same as a French kiss, but down under. Whether youre looking to shut down someone in an argument or want some witty responses up your sleeve, these comebacks will do the trick. A Mississippi. Knock Knock! What did the pirate say when he turned 80? How do you make holy water? What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? Why are teddy bears never hungry? They lift them up and slam them on the ground. 40. They left a sweet note on my windshield that said "parking fine.". 5. "Whaddya mean?" Sharing is caring! Also if I asked you wouldn't be talking. Do you love hearing jokes? We all want to have one of those cool moments where you say something really funny or clever in response to the very rude question did I ask you?. I don't know how I feel about that. 4. What did the dog say when it sat on some sharp stones? But grammatically speaking, whom is the object of the verb to., If Ive told you n times, Ive told you n+1 times. Whats the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? One asks, "What's your favorite kind of music?" Apparently, I need to pay more attention during school pick-up. I decided to compile a list of comebacks for who asked, did I ask, and nobody asked or cares because its getting ridiculous out there. Hi! My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo, so I had to put my foot down. Con Will glass coffins be a success? Whats the difference between anal and oral sex? Robin. "no one asked" Once you open it, you realize its half-empty. Why do we like volcanoes? Why are you listening if you dont know who asked? Explanation: The French philosophers most famous line is I think, therefore I am. His least famous line: Is this seat taken?. Owls always look like they just saw a penis for the first time. It usually confuses people first time hearing it but that's the point. What did the buffalo say when his son left for school? Knock knock. No harm in telling the truth, you werent asked and this response is extra clever because it doesnt give the question asker the reaction from you that they were looking for. Learn more about us here. What did one wall say to the other? He pasta-way. A cherry float. If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Banana Jokes. Dont make me come in there! Two guys walk into a bar. 7 Up in cider. Ones pretty heavy and the others a little lighter. Did you hear about the depressed plumber? Plus, when you get home and your kids ask what you did today, you can tell them you managed to sprinkle some humor into your workday. Why do oranges wear sunscreen? "That . The other cow says, "Why would I care? Every once in a while, we come across somebody who just doesnt seem to care about anything no matter what we say. Sneakers. The batroom. What washes up on very small beaches? The difference between Ooooooh and Aaaaaah is about three inches. A golfer goes. Just ask a question: Why did?, What do you call? 4. We have some cool puns to add to your collection: Party time always gives us a reason to laugh. He's all right now. My mate says I'm getting fat, but in my defense I've had a lot on my plate recently. Why did God give men penises? Oinkment. I'm a helicopter! Men are like public toilets the good ones are taken and the rest are full of crap. As a scarecrow, people say Im outstanding in my field. Knock knock. Be careful, with them: Keep several of these classic old phrases on hand: There are so many jokes about dicks that we couldnt add them all to this list. No, but you need all the help you can get. 100 Best Corny Jokes of All Time. 39. Robin you, now hand over the cash. Because the queen reigned there for decades. 3. Why do geese fly south in the winter? Joke has 83.83 % from 129 votes. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. The bear shrugged. Why is England the wettest country? A German walks into a bar and asks for a martini. What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator door was opened? How To Break Up With Someone Toxic/Narcissistic Safely And Never Look Back, The Best Outfits From Daisy Jones And The Six That Make Me Wish It Was 1975, Signs You Lack Self-Love (And How To Develop It), 5 Powerful Boundaries To Counter Passive-Aggressive Narcissists, How To Channel Main Character Energy Like Daisy Jones & The Six. See you next month. She wanted it in case she had to draw blood. How you respond when someone says something you dont like is entirely up to you. 2.) The guy responds, "I don't care what star sign it is!". What did the little tree say to the big tree? Why was the guitar teacher arrested? You can always serve as a bad example. Why was the nurse asking for a red pen? Because they are so lavable. They're his watch dogs. Well, if this is what they ask, here are some examples of witty comebacks you can use: "You've got very short hair, are you a lesbian?". jokes just never get old. Unless youre just fed up with these types of comments and want to be rude. * You don't want my opinion? Criminally Funny Lawyer Jokes. For fingering a minor. Later they get together. 137 of the Best Jokes for Kids. Youre late! she yells. Here is a couple that should get a laugh or two: This response is funny because it turns the situation around on the question asker. If sex is a pain in the ass, then youre doing it wrong . Originally Published: May 29, 2019 When kids want to laugh, they rarely turn to their math homework for jokes. It was two tired. messedupcole18 3 yr. ago. Of course, you need to screw a light bulb. "You wait here, I'll go on ahead.". Viper07__ 3 yr. ago. Spit, swallow, gargle. A bear walks into a restaurant. 10 1 More answers below Mason Chen Just a random teenager 4 y Related Others might even make you laugh so hard you cry, so don't say we didn't warn you. So youre the only one? Is everyone else here a jerk? Explanation: By themselves, the musical notes C, E-flat, and G are simply tones, neither major nor minor. He kept leaving little messages around the house. Did something bad happen to you, or are you just naturally this terrible of a person? What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? What do you call a pony with a sore throat? 30 Hoover Jokes & Puns Guaranteed to Make You LOL, 40 Moustache Jokes That Are A Cut Above The Rest, 30 Best Gnome Jokes & Puns Kids Will Love. "Close the door, I'm dressing!". Check out these hilarious whats the difference between jokes. I didnt ask you for a response and yet you gave one. 86 Funny Why Did The. Now get ready to make some memories filled with laughter with these 70 hilariously funny jokes! It is usually said in response to someone offering an un-asked-for opinion or to someone who interjected into a conversation they were not a part of. If at first you dont succeed, stop trying already. Why arent koalas actual bears? Whats long, hard and erects stuff? While it may be tempting to give a rude comment a piece of your mind, doing so is unlikely to change the situation for the better. How do you make a tissue dance? Good Comebacks for Who Asked or Did I Ask? What do you call a boomerang that wont come back? Virgin Mobile, Boy: Want to hear a joke about my dick? Why did the chicken cross the road? Alright, are you ready? I was going to tell a time traveling joke, but you guys didn't like it. Whats the best thing about dating homeless chicks? Sometimes its just best to be clever in your response to make the other person seem dumb or silly. Original don't care + didn't ask. I dont know, but the flag is a big plus. You would not use any of these if you werent: Well, these joke are silly, but still funny: Jokes about sex are eternal. 21. Here are over a dozen irreverent history jokes to share with your favorite history teacher or students. What do you call balls on your chin? If at first you dont succeed, blame someone else and seek counseling. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. Assuming that the average lifespan of all these people was 25, there has been around 2.7 trillion years of life, if we multiply this by the number of days in a year (365), there is a total of 985,500,000,000,000 . Knock-Knock Jokes. I went to buy some camo pants but couldn't find any. I have a joke about time travel, but I'm not gonna share it. I love every bone in your body, especially mine. No, the punchline comes before the setup when time travel is involved. Three guys go on a ski trip together. What did the tree say to the tree surgeon? What did the policeman say to the bank robbing skunk? Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back? He just can't part with it. An atheist, a Crossfitter, and a vegan walk into a bar. What did the full glass say to the empty glass? 49. 1Forrest1. Why do we tell actors to "break a leg?" Hey, just warning you: These lolable jokes should only be told among those who will accept your weird sense of humor: Whos there? Privacy Policy. You might enjoy: 24+ Clean Comebacks for Get a Life. Dont you hate people who use big words just to make themselves look perspicacious? By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. Also, sometimes saying nothing is the right response. Did you hear the one about the roof? Everyone loves a good crowd-pleaserthat's why we call them that! A nervous wreck. Sorry, I'm still working on it. But, heres a warning: Only use them in an appropriate setting where no one will be offended. What's black and white and goes round and round? What did the one lesbian vampire say to the other? Whats the difference between your dick and a bonus check? This is another funny response that will leave them dumbfounded. Are you an adult? Please tell me this train of thought youre on has a caboose. You come across as a person who has low self-esteem and is embarrassed to ask anybody for anything, for the fear of being refused or rejected again and again, so I did it on my own and to stop you from becoming a spectacle. Because they're always stuffed. "Dill me in!". What do you call a bear without any teeth? But that's not all. Sometimes, you might be in a goofy mood or just want to laugh, so when someone asks did I ask you, you decide to give them a funny response. Never mind, it's over your head. King Henry the Second who? 5. Dude, your dicks hanging out. Thats why Ive put together this list of 32+ witty comebacks for who asked and did I ask. I hope they help you the next time someone asks you this question! Because they're really good at it. Whether you want to receive further information on something or want to ask a question or maybe have a suggestion for us to improve content on this website, or probably you wish to report a . (Think trolls) What's a ninja's favorite type of shoes? What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato? Your mom sure seemed to care last night. What did the leper say to the prostitute? A meltdown. "Busted, now if you'll excuse me, I need to buy a pair of nice-looking men's overalls and Dr. Martens.". What do you call an expert fisherman? If you dont like what I have to say, you are free to walk away or share your own story. But hilarious jokes never go out of style. Ok. (and then continuing usually does the trick). Did you hear the rumor about butter? The little girl is pretty upset by this, since it is clearly true, and runs home crying. A chipmunk. That way, when you criticize them, you'll be a mile away, and you'll have their shoes. A trip without kids. Always remember: Youre just as unique as everybody else. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. We recommend our users to update the browser. You planet. document.addEventListener( 'DOMContentLoaded', function() { One slip of the tongue, and youre in deep sh*t. Why cant you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? A priest and a nun were on a mission trip up in the mountains when a snowstorm Came up. . Because his teacher told him it was a piece of cake. Well-armed. What do boobs and toys have in common? Wheeeee! xhr.setRequestHeader('Content-Type', 'text/plain;charset=UTF-8'); They went up by a, Two cows are grazing in a field. How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex? I was masturbating today and my hand fell asleep thats got to be the ultimate rejection. Two peanuts were walking down the street. A pouch potato. I know because they told me. Making love to a woman is like playing the violin. How did the student feel when he learned about electricity? When he thinks he's "him" but he's really just another "he" som original - . Just another reason to moan, really. Dont worry, said the doc. This response shows that you really dont care that you werent asked. My midget friend got thrown out of the nudist colony because he kept getting in everyones hair. "Are you gay?". Because every play has a cast. If you see me smiling its because Im thinking of doing something bad. You planet. Well, I am 100% sure you did. If you buy from a link, we may earn a commission. Laughter is infectious. Did you know you can actually listen to the blood in your veins? My uncle named his dogs Timex and Rolex. Because they cantaloupe. Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, Heres something I have that youll never have! By the CBC Kids team August 15, 2017 | Last Updated April 08, 2022. Now that youve learned 101 new short jokes to share with your friends, check out these classic Laffy Taffy jokes that will sweeten everyones day. Once. I don't know, but their flag is a huge plus. If a woman talks dirty to a man, thatll be $6.50 a minute. Me loving a good discussion ended up having a long disussion over the communists and now he and many others in our group believe i am a borderline nazi. This response is very clever because it makes it very clear that you contributed helpful information. Someone stole my mood ring yesterday. Explanation: Dreipronounced dryis German for three. Neinpronounced nineis German for No. Dieser witz stinkt is German for This joke stinks.. } A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, Anything you say can and will be held against you. The man replies, Boobs!. The bartender says, "Why the long face?". I'm so good at sleeping I can do it with my eyes closed! Then, use one of the witty comebacks listed above to silence them! Forcing the other person to awkwardly explain their rude question. if( navigator.sendBeacon ) { Never criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes. Youre bootiful, fancy going for a walk?! The difference between "Ooooooh" and "Aaaaaah" is about three inches. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. After all, roses may be red, violets may be blue, but one thing's for surewe've got the all-time greatest Valentine's jokes for you! If a man talks dirty to a woman, thats sexual harassment. Im pretty sure I married someone elses soulmate. 9. The best response to who asked is to stay calm and do your best not to overreact. Nobody asked you, either, but it seems that we all have to listen. Because they hit foul balls. A penguin in the washing machine. Must be none of your business then. With a little creativity and quick thinking, you can defuse the who asked bomb and keep the conversation going. This is another funny response that makes the question asker seem dumb for not asking for your opinion on the subject in the first place. I think its time for us to go our separate ways and start making other people miserable. 23. Explanation: The worlds population is split sort of evenly between men and women, making the average human part male, part female, and a complete pain to shop for. Well, they're not laughing now! Embarrassed, and to spare her young sons innocence, the mother turns around and says, Dont worry. Two men meet on opposite sides of a river. Finding out it was traced. This joke makes light of changing churches. Nasty knock-knock jokes: We give some joke weapons to outdo your buddies: Children interpret everything they hear their way. 38 Likes, TikTok video from Grace (@baltes33): "same ppl who still making the who asked n when did i ask jokes#him #he #fyp". What did the Buddhist ask the hot dog vendor? Because 7-8-9. "I stand corrected!" or, the ultimate classic, Knock knock? What do you get when you mix a cocker spaniel, a poodle, and a ghost? Why did the math textbook visit the guidance counselor? I always tell new hires, Dont think of me as your boss, think of me as a friend who can fire you.. 1. How can you tell its a dogwood tree? While theres no guaranteed way to come up with the perfect comeback at the moment, there are a few witty responses that will put the other person in their place. Explanation: Bach was, of course, another famous composer, so Beethovens chickens were pecking away at his ego. If you loved this, youll get a kick out of these dog puns. Discover short videos related to did i ask jokes on TikTok. Because theyre used to eating nuts. These wisecracks are seriously hysterical. See ya! What did the man give his fianc, a card enthusiast, when he wanted to propose to her? Totally shocked. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. So why wouldn't we embrace any chance we have to giggle at a joke? This response is clever because it takes the same disrespectful energy that comes with did I ask you and hurls it back at the question asker. He loses. Example of When did I ask? 35) A couple gets married, and on their wedding night, the wife asks what a penis is. Cheese means faster and tomato means harder, okay? Later on, the girl is yelling, Cheese cheese, tomato tomato! The younger brother says, Stop making sandwiches! What did one light bulb say to the other light bulb on Valentines Day? What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street? They've kept in touch after all these years. A little horse. Jokes to Test Your Brain! When When When When When When When. You said youd be home by 11:45!, Actually, the mathematician replies coolly, I said Id be home by a quarter of 12., Explanation: Divide 12 by four, or a quarter. The pupils they dilate. There is a conversation happening and you decide to give your opinion or correct a statement and someone looks at you and responds did I ask you? Its one of those moments where after the fact you think of something very funny or clever to respond with, but in the moment you are left in shocked silence. What did one pig say to the other on Valentine's Day? No, but I could tell you needed my help. What do you call a group of rabbits backing up? Otherwise, close the page now. That way, when you criticize them, you'll be a mile away, and you'll have their shoes. How much space will free up in the EU after Brexit? Whats the difference between attraction, love and showing off? Why was the coach yelling at the vending machine? Oh, that? sniffs the castaway. Short Jokes That Are Genuinely Funny: 1. He's all right now. He forgot to wrap his Whopper. Explanation: A Buddhist whos one with everything is connected to the universe. Click here to learn more! Learn about the best baby names out of Japan. What did the buffalo say when his kid went to college? Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? A slipper. Girl: Hey, whats up? Boy: If I tell you, will you sit on it?. That's why we've rounded up that set of (clean) jokes for adults and kids alike that will have the whole family laughing. What do you call a pony with a sore throat? Carol Yepes/ Getty Images. Explanation: The setup of the joke calls for a To who? response, in which To is standing in for a person. Those of you who think you know it all are really annoying to those of us who do. Best trade I've ever done! 125 best Dad jokes 2020: cringeworthy, funny and downright bad jokes that will make you laugh Make your friends and family cringe with these god-awful jokes By Finlay Greig 17th Jun 2020,. 10. Wanna hear two short jokes and a long joke? Whats another name for a vagina? The actor is still close with some of her onscreen family. What did the pirate say when he turned 80? Got a PS5 for my little brother. All Rights Reserved. The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel. Explanation: No joke has a double meaning here. What do you call a rooster staring at a pile of lettuce? How did the mathematician deal with his constipation? I took a poop in the elevator. Its a way of shutting down a conversation, of refusing to engage with new ideas. 6. But I'm clean now. I had to put my foot down. Person 1: Knock-knock. 22. No? Get ready: Some of what's to come is quite punny. How did the hipster burn his mouth? Some annoying people ask, Who asked? after you tell a story. 100+ Hilarious Jokes No One Is Too Old to Laugh At, 146 Hilarious Knock-Knock Jokes Guaranteed to Crack You Up, 80 Corny Jokes You Can't Help But Laugh At, 183 Jokes for Kids That Provide Good, Clean Fun.
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