I ate at the bars of a few nice restaurants. I have friend who grossly exaggerates the number of people who support his stance, nevermind the the biasing in surveying. The whole city is like a giant theme park for adults. And who are all these people in his scientific study that are so against letting their SO go to Las Vegas for a business trip?? Ithewhat??? Some people may have only a negative perception of Vegas, but the important thing is realizing that kneejerk perception is actually inaccurate. Props to you for doing the hard work of managing this problem. I stayed once at Palms Place, the long-term stay part of the Palms that is set up like studio apartments with full kitchens. We dont know enough about how the spouse acts in other scenarios to draw larger conclusions. Thats an unreasonable stance. My wife is suffering from both major depression and anxiety, and she has her individual sessions to work on her mental health issue and were in marriage counseling to work on ourselves as a couple. There was a recent one with the same problem! Husband used to do this to me every time I drove anywhere in the winter. Dont engage with his arguments. He definitely is the one that needs the work, but ideally I would think they should have both couples sessions and individual sessions for him. I call him every day to give him some reassurance that Im fine, and that helps. Okay, I've been chewing on this for a few weeks. Did I stand out? She and I have spoken about it, in part because I travel without my husband a lot, including to family stuff. Shopping! I didnt read him as being a chauvinist. When I first moved to the city, my mom told me to never, ever go anywhere after dark. I highly doubt these people genuinely agree with him, but are more likely playing the supportive friend role. My mother too. And in 2 days Im heading east solo for a wedding. They were both married to other people, started an affair that weekend, and eventually left their spouses. Yes, this could actually be what he really is freaking out about, in my experience. :( Her husband seems like an abuser. I have one. I did a similar trip after I had my second but I did it different than everyone else. Not like us isnt automatically the same thing as toxic.. Of course, were all operating with limited info, and (lets be honest) a natural inclination to cme to the defense of an AAM reader/writer.. Also accusing someone of cheating so you have to surveil them is right out of the abuser handbook. Other National Geographic Family Journeys from G Adventures include bucket-list family vacation destinations like Iceland, Japan, South Africa, Peru, Costa Rica, Morocco, and Vietnam. 2 junio, 2022; google load balancer path prefix rewrite; how much does it cost to join peninsula yacht club . I think this is a little parochial, in fact. I was also married to this man. (Overeating or eating rich foods, drinking, drugs, gambling, or sex?) Las Vegas is not my favorite place ever because I dont love big crowds or gambling, but its just a city. By contrast, I spent a week this summer at a conference in a not-doing-so-well midwestern city. And not for couples counselling, either she needs to work on strategies to deal with him. Theres a weird dichotomy with that place. He could show he loves you by treating you as an equal and making you know that your feelings, thoughts, and opinions matter. Yes, this. The base issues came out to be general worrying about me travelling by myself (tons of catastrophic what if scenarios) and FOMO (shes having such a great time without me). And when he would occasionally go to conferences for work, she trusted him as well. Unlike other cities where the hotels and expo centers are spread apart dotted in among the rest of the city, the downtown area was basically built for tourists/travelers. Im not a fan of Las Vegas (i.e., cigarette smoke, gambling, drinking), but many (perhaps all?) And people loooooove the lotto tix here. I think the fact that hes willing to go counseling (am I reading that correctly?) But honestly? Plus, if youre on the strip, you dont ever really have go on the streets. You can pretty much get from one end of the strip to the other cutting through casinos and over skywalks. Youre adults. Theres concern, and then theres overreacting. Yeah, my husband takes business trips to Vegas multiple times a year. Nothing to do with trust, we just wouldnt want Vegas tarnished by work! I like having the house to myself for a weekend. Surely you jest! i went away for a few days for work, but had some cool stories to come home with. I would probably choose being single over him. His income was mostly for his own frivolous purchases, my job paid the rent and most of the utilities (he paid his own phone bill and bitched about it nonstop). Sure there used to be a lot of strip joints, etc., but now the most naked people are in the Cirque shows, and they just look naked. My company sent managers to Las Vegas last February for a corporate business trip for three days. Itll be a cold day in Hell before my husband allows/gives me permission to do anything. If you can get that sort of perspective before the trip, that would be great. It seems a loving husband would have found a way for his wife to attend her best friends wedding. In either case, I should have ended it. Please specify a reason for deleting this reply from the community. But I am going to totally disagree with you that its not a relationship problem. When I was in Vegas I called my husband 3 maybe 4 times a day during my breaks because I was so depressed and talking to him made me feel better. He was jealous and controlling before we got engaged. Hed probably drive her nuts the entire trip monitoring when she comes and goes, trying to veto business dinners with her colleagues, calling her if shes a minute later than she said shed beAnd if youre working the conference, its exhausting and theres not really a lot of time to explore. But not the end of the world. For the OP, this is a marriage problem. Is he anxious about everything, or just the fact that youre going to vegas? The Rio does have huge rooms! Or hes over-reporting the level of agreement he got? Or is he bad whenever you are off doing anything on your own? The next step absolutely should be counseling, but I dont know that its fair for us to fault the OP for not making it the first step, you know? The thing is, if you go there repeatedly the sheen really does wear off. The best way to stay up-to-date would be to regularly check the Official Disney Parks Blog . Most business conferences result in 3 days on location you probably wont leave the hotel. My husband was very upset. I hope that isnt what this turns out to be, but whatever it is, its not good. People are able to manipulate their therapists, and there are also just plain bad therapists: what if the OPs husband is in therapy already with, for example, a religious provider who reinforces his moralistic fears about Vegas? My husband gets nervous whether Im traveling for business or just about town (granted, Im not the best driver). Going to the store and picking out our own groceries is the easiest thing in the world for us. BTW- my husband didnt blink an eye when I told him I was going to Vegas for a whole week with a male co-worker. Companies hold meetings in Vegas because there are tons of conference rooms, hotel rooms, and restaurants, and its easy to get a direct flight there from virtually anywhere in the country, not because there is some bizarre motive to break up marriages or cause scandals among employees. Its a him issue. ), but yes, getting reinforcement on the anxiety (in this case from the friends the husband surveyed) can definitely make things worse. What if the wife had a job that required lots of travel, but paid well and allowed them to live a good lifestyle. If he gets therapy and can get his anxiety and toxic masculinity under control, that would be one thing. I hope they can find a solution. If I had succeeded in keeping my mom from ever leaving the house, I would have started obsessing about the iron falling off the board and burning the house down, or everything flooding, or, or, or. Kj will notice if you dont come home one night.. Flying might be easier. If the wife approaches it as a joint issue, that demonstrates goodwill rather than blame, and is more likely to get the husband into the therapists office. What the hell? Dont defend yourself and dont attack him. I went shopping. Ive traveled to all kinds of interesting destinations where Ive only seen the inside of the airport and conference rooms. July 1, 2022 Posted by clients prepaid financial services derbyshire; 01 . I see wholesome as suitable for minors and conservative folks, so yeah, sex work isnt that. Well, yeah, it has a bad rep, that they intentionally, though jokingly, promote with the What happens in Vegas and Sin City marketing campaigns. Sometimes they go on a similar trip for birthdays etc. If its my wife is going to a business conference.. (I mean, ideally, theyd shut him down, but hopefully, at the very least, they dont actually agree and are just stuck talking to him about this against their will? Clearly youve been abducted. update: how can I turn down training requests from my clients? (The sales guy told her, its just like any other dance show, but at half the price and without the headdress! I recognized the name and tried to talk her out of it, but she believed the sales guy over me.) If it's something you really want to do, then I'm sure you can make it work, but it won't be easy. Not everything is anxiety and depression, AAM commentariat. What do you think?. Ill wait. So yeah, this isnt something that everyone feels, nor is it reasonable. Untreated anxiety is a meat grinder to relationships. You would have to go out of your way to find a casino, a lavish bar with topless entertainment, or an escort service. Honestly the greatest threat to LWs safety is probably lung cancer from second-hand smoke in the casinos. Most of the shows arent appealing, either, and theyre almost all too expensive. He doesnt have friends. But, OP, please take a hard look at your husband and his normal conduct. Somehow everyone turns into a sexual predator after dark. Should I take him into account? I would not be surprised if those are who his friends are. I usually find that veiled anxiety/fear of minorities is at the root of cities are dangerous and scary and you must never go out after dark fears, but rarely is it veiled so thinly. They can also get into trouble in their own hometown. But its a pretty serious one-off. There is so much good food in Vegas, I love it there. We have a beach house and are splitting the expenses. Read: how could he know I was where I said I was? The other possibility is that hes skewing the hell out of the question somehow to make his stance seem more reasonable, like Would you guys be okay with your spouse taking off to Vegas and drinking and partying all weekend for work? Armchair diagnosis of either is not useful, but it doesnt hurt to remind people of possible things to consider. If I wanted to put on pants and walk across the casino I would just eat at a casino floor restaurant instead of ordering deliverywhich Im sure explains their policy more than security concerns! Totally. What helped me was to realize that this is something Im prone to do, recognize it when its happening, and mentally tell myself whats real and whats not real. and a lot to it more than the Strip. Your post will be hidden and deleted by moderators. The educational health content on What To Expect is reviewed by our medical review board and team of experts to be up-to-date and in line with the latest evidence-based medical information and accepted health guidelines, including the medically reviewed What to Expect books by Heidi Murkoff. It was very concerning. Give me a conference in Vegas any day. In a vacation environment totally devoid of any stress, I couldn't stand to be in my husband's company. He may make it seem like you are choosing your career over your marriage, which of course causes you to feel guilty, but as my good friend said recently youre not choosing your career over him, youre choosing yourself over him. Im trying to take that advice to heart OP, hope you can too! As a long-time resident of NYC, people who dont live here assume I spend my days constantly in fear of muggings and/or terror attacks, pepper spray at the ready. Yes, this. Ill take bizarrely leading questions for 600, Alex. Dude she failed to mention that she hid pictures of her with mail strippers and lied about it and when I seen what pictures she showed me she dressed up better than she ever dresses at home. By in linseneintopf mit kartoffeln. Everything he is afraid of is very very unlikely to happen and no more likely to happen in Vegas than any other city. Ill let my boss know that Ill need to leave work a bit early those days so I can get the kids from daycare., If it were my wife, my response would be Have fun Watch the lights in the sky to the north at night.,and Dont try to bet on 37 at roulette.. Right now hes in Alaska shooting a documentary. One casino is the same as another, the food isnt as good as it once was (you have to go off-strip for the REALLY good stuff), and its crazy expensive. He will tell me if something is wrong as I will. Spouses dont LET. I remember being like, What would I even DO with all this space? ha! Of course, this is all conjecture. This is bound to make them curious and excited. I have a 3 yr old, almost 2 yr old, and 2 month old. And not his fault, it was mine! After the day ended and we would go out to dinner, he would tell her that he was sure our company wouldnt approve of us going out to dinner on their dime. (Wed been given stipends and told to enjoy a cocktail after the eight-hour training). Agree counseling would be a good place to start. You might want to change, but also can't. If you need to go out and do things, go do those with your friends and family, or even initially-strangers via v. They did indeed get married, and unsurprisingly, it ended in spectacularly bad fashion. No, its not, but again Im not just speaking out of my ass here; I have seen similar anxiety issues firsthand. Husband and I live three hours away from Vegas. I can completely see how people who watched the sensational crime shows can imagine the world is terrifying, BUT its TV, *not* real life. The kidnapping/roofie argument is the same nonsense my parents used to justify not letting my sister and me go to slumber parties but my brothers could go on trips to Europe. I dont even like Vegas and end up there twice a year because its such a common conference location because of the affordability. Yeah, like MakeThings Im picturing a lot of Mmmmm. I cant quite tell from this letter if he does yet or notnor if its a true anxiety issue or straight-up manipulative, controlling behavior. If my partner acted like he thought he got a vote on whether I was allowed to do things, especially things relating to my career, Id laugh him out of the relationship so fast hed get whiplash. What if he dies? And its great he enjoys the time alone, we get to talk about interesting stuff weve both done when I get back, we both get time to decompress in ways which benefit us the most. My husband of 23 years has never objected to any business trips Ive taken (not even the week-long trip to the Bahamas when our daughter was 8 months old), so Im chiming in to say that whats going on with your husband is super abnormal in my experience. That can do a number to your head if you already had basic anxiety about the travel. You are not required to live it with someone who makes you miserable and is not willing to work on the problem. Same! 1. So, OPs husband would be fine if she was going on a business trip to Dullsville or Normalville or even New York City, but because shes going to Vegas, specifically, he has an issue. I would say most of his issues stem from his childhood trauma and some possible but undiagnosed Aspergers (he has closely observed human behavior to figure out whats expected, is a brilliant programmer, works on empathy). Thanks! I really hope it does lead to the OP getting help. Oooh, Ive heard of the mob museum. He couldnt leave her in a peace for five minutes on her last business trip, and is questioning the companys motives, all while she is the primary breadwinner? Hes not thinking logically already, so adding logic isnt going to change his mind. I just want to come back to the point about where the first fear of his that you list off, OP, is that youre going to cheat on him. If it's me, I would prefer stay home and rest till the baby gets older and low maintenance Do it!! When I talk to my friends nowadays (still in Ohio, btw! Exactly. Dosomething small tobuild trust, and then your relationship will slowly but surely flourish. -03-2022, 0 Comments it says they WOULD even let their significant others go, not wouldnt! Why he wants to go alone. We were in that stage of "dating" where we wanted to do everything together, only he didn't fly and didn't really enjoy travel. She is not the nicest mother in law, either. Agree with the high level of security even on the streets. Did they make the decision she would be the primary breadwinner or is it something that came out of him losing his job or having a job that doesnt pay as much as hers? Long term I also agree with everyone elses recommendations for anxiety screening and counseling. Last time I was in Vegas (similar situation) I ate at a few off-strip but highly-rated restaurants. Sometimes, well even travel to the same city together, but then spit up and hang out with two completely separate groups of friends. But he needs to sit down, fix a drink (I prefer Earl Grey, YMMV), and look at his actions and the state of his marriage. I have anxiety disorder and I do worry excessively (one time to the point of a panic attack) when my husband travels for work, but thats on me to manage. This is a case where you cannot cater to his anxiety or insecurity. My associatons annual conference rotates between about six places, and even in big cities like Chicago and Philly we need to use three nearby hotels to have enough meeting rooms and hotel rooms. Which update is that? Its the inappropriate (in typical American business culture) reaction of the husband thats the issue here, not whether its legitimate to try and get out of business trips sometimes. My wife has these same kinds of fears during my daily commute, let alone when I travel for business. It was a realllllly boring upbringing. I cant speak for anyone but IMHO a little travel, twice a year or so is fine and take your spouse if you can but this several overnights monthly is not what I signed up for. A year? Youve talked about what your husband thinks of the trip, and what you reckon the impact of going and not going would be on your career. Maybe so, but I know plenty of people who, as JenB says above, have anxiety and dont express it in toxic and gendered ways that were really talking about two problems. Yeah, this seems so over the top Im having trouble thinking its just about relationship issues. Yup, agreed. Just live in an exurb of a big city rather than a small town), they find this baffling. I totally went on a family trip to Vegas when I was like 12 or so, and there was plenty of family friendly stuff to do. My point was, shes hearing about friends opinions second-hand. Yes. Shes gone twice now and all they do is drink and gamble! (also +1000 to RabbitRabbit for anxiety manifesting as control theyre not necessarily separate). It is NOT his choice whether you go! Sure within reason. BUT, I dont actually think thats the most likely explanation for his issues. You dont have to have cause to break up with someone! Yes, this. One of our Bright Side readers sent us an e-mail pouring her heart out about a tricky situation she's going through. There are some really great desert trails out there! Hah. Just dont pack up and leave while theyre out of town and not even leave a note. The thing is he takes work trips more often than I do! There are many issues at play here. Inviting him to go might be a stop-gap measure to cover this trip. They might feel left out or unimportant. While I was away, he made me upset the whole time with his anxiety of what-ifs and what-nots. They go out of their way to watch everyone. Marriage CounselingDefinitely. Where I was originally from in Ohio, there are schools that dont have proms because dancing is considered a vice, and thus shouldnt be promoted by a school. At that time, she was eating about every 3-4 hours. Its a slippery slope when someone starts demanding changes to accommodate their objections to acceptable societal norms. Same. Dont give him information that he will then twist (anxiety twists everything) and dont waste your time or your energy you need that for other things. I HATED IT! Thanks for your thoughtful self-awareness. Im certain he is imagining some lawless back alley den of sin. Rape! Sorry for the confusion. I wouldnt be surprised if he straight-up made that up in order to lend credence to his argument. But I come from a history of super-controlling domestic abuse situations, so Ive seen this behavior more times than Id care to admit. Im someone who immediately leaps to the Worst Possible Scenario thanks to my anxiety. I spent a lot of the day just wandering around the strip). Absolutely. When hed worry about what to do if, say, the house burned down while i was gone, I pointed out he could handle it just fine. Youve put your finger on one of the things bugging me most about this: the idea that the LW has no agency. Nope. I sometimes know and I often dont. That actually happened to my parents! OPs husband sounds like my mom. If I ask him he will clarify but I trust him and dont need to worry. I deal with these irrational fears with a sort of ritual where I always leave people I love on a positive note and let them know how much I love them, since the thought is always running through my head that I may never see them again. Im so glad I made that choice. Your friend is a wise woman. Thanks for weighing in, Working Wife; were on your side, and we hope you can resolve this. Cuz he was awesome.). The husband may need counselling to discover why he willing to sabotage the family bread winner. But I loved him, and thought accepting his proposal would reassure him of my love and commitment. I think OP and her husband are from a more conservative background. So I do think theres a chance this is just a Vegas thing. If youre not going during SXSW or Austin City Limits, you can get hotel rooms consistently for less than $200 in Austin. This isnt a man with an anxiety problem. Either way, its important for both ofyou tocommunicate about such animportant issue sothat things dont escalate further than necessary.
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