Outcomes of polygamous marriages were a second theme generated by evaluating the relationships of co-wives. No one does; no little girl longs to grow up and walk down the aisle to the strains of "Here Comes the Second Bride, All Dressed in an Ivory Suit." Should second wives post billboards proclaiming that we are not necessarily women who flounce through life wearing ankle bracelets, feather boas, and alligator shoes? Lots of people are betraying their partners while pretending to be monogamous. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together. Relationships are hard, and if things go wrong, we get hurt. Family pressure: Family pressure is also one of the common reasons for polygamous marriages. They adhere to the rules that all three of us set for them, like normal children. Zakhele walks in with his youngest brother, Thembekile*, 2, in his arms. Hed moved from mining to owning a taxi business. A Tajik court found him guilty of polygamy and of driving her to suicide, but spared him a jail sentence and ordered him to pay a $1,300 fine. While a second marriage can be successful, its still a relationship composed of two imperfect people. The findings were consistent may be due to cultural and religious resemblance because Al-Krenawi and his colleagues conducted their study in Arab states. Can expand your gene pool. If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married. My mother is a retired teacher and my dad could never keep a job, so she supported us. The policymakers and law enforcement agencies should pass laws for the welfare of polygamous women. He may be wounded and certain things may trigger an emotional response, such as . Al-Sharfi M, Pfeffer K, Miller KA. Thus, two things relating to marriage have affected the overall percentage of the population who find polygamy acceptable: more unmarried people in the population, and the fact that these. As Mrs. Amir told the researcher, in the beginning, she got more privilege than the first but as time was passed and she did not conceive there was a time when she was completely ignored by in-laws and later from her husband. Data was collected from 11 polygamous women who consented to an in-depth interview. Some second wives may have unknowingly become #2 and had thought they were in monogamy, until the husband plucks up the courage to reveal they have . Mrs. Abdullah also had a love marriage. Holloway ID, Ansari D. Mapping numerical magnitudes onto symbols: The numerical distance effect and individual differences in childrens mathematics achievement. To sum up: I am married to a man I love and am lucky. The purpose of this study is to investigate married womens experiences in polygamous marriages and their ways of coping to accept this relationship. I told her that if it was going to make her unhappy I would forget about the whole idea. So finding a man who respects women like uBaba is a blessing, The two women share the home duties between them, taking turns cooking and cleaning, and their six children help with the dishes and other household duties. In turn, some women don't tell their friends about their husband's other partners because young people in the region are becoming more outspoken on how polygamy is an arrangement that is designed. After my brother died in a car accident my father started acting strange. 2 Meet other future spouses. She has been married for 40 years. In the Muslim world, polygamy is acknowledged because it is supported and associated with religious doctrine as well as a fair and legal way of relationship. Knowing what you value will help you build the most meaningful life possible. In Pakistan polygamous women also facing many psycho social problems because our society is far away from the original teachings of Islam about polygamy. Old Medication, New Use: Can Prazosin Curb Drinking? Understand that he couldve cheated, but rather chose something that is common in African culture. Thamsanqa says its important to make sure you really want another wife, and to thoroughly analyse your reasons. Also, if your husband has financial problems, he had no right to marry you in the first place. Cecilia says her husband married a second wife purely for his own physical desires and greed. Mrs. Arslan told that she was shocked when she came to know about her husband's affair. Both were a happy couple with 2 boys and 1 baby girl. READ MORE:Surviving a polygamous marriage. They are sister wives, which means they have a friendship as well. Resource-defense, scarcity of men, and countering a high pathogen load, and cultural determinists posit religion and gender discrimination as factors of polygamy in these countries [15]. Treating me with the resentment of a union official watching a house being constructed with non-union labor, my erstwhile friend watched me build up and remodel my life. Emerging broken, bruised and bleeding from a previous fall when the parachute didnt quite open, he is nevertheless willing to do it again and at an even greater risk-- everyone knows second marriages are risky. Unless of great importance or a family-related event, we rarely attended the same social event together with our husband.. But then came Thamsanqas shattering statement. It's like when you are a kid, and you have had the same best friend since you were a baby; then, suddenly, in high school, you have a new best friend. That kind of baggage can be detrimental to a second marriage and undermine any benefits of being the second wife. Theyre all equal and these two women are their mothers equally. 4. A sample of 11 polygamous women was included through snowball sampling from the different cities of the province of Punjab, Pakistan with an age range of 18-50 years. Minor clashes are part of life to her. Wed both been married before, but does that really matter? Lower incentive to cheat in a marriage. We may also learn that if we dont want to get hurt again, to put up a wall, or other such adjustments. Mrs. Imam was the first wife with a love marriage and she had two female children in three years. Gabe and I won't have that. Emerging broken, bruised and bleeding from a previous fall when the parachute didn't quite open, he is. When he proposed to her she first came to me to check if he had my blessing. The 2 Most Psychologically Incisive Films of 2022, The Surprising Role of Empathy in Traumatic Bonding. If he does so, either in public or secret, she has the right to divorce him. The surprise is this: when the moment comes, the man jumps with alacrity. Opponents of decriminalization say the current law should not be changed because polygamy is inherently dangerous and harmful to women and children, particularly young girls, some of whom have. The study describes the different experiences, reasons behind polygamy, its outcomes, and the coping strategies used by first, second, and third wives. Data collection was not collected scientific way because of qualitative study and the findings cannot be generalized beyond the women in this study [24,25]. I knew society is very cruel and it would be very tough for me to bring up them without father." They often include not-so-subtle warnings about what's to come, designed to keep you strong and united in the face of conflict, change, hardship, kids. But the . The positive side of the study is to explore the advantages and strategies used by polygamous women were very significant. The historic context was that men often died in battle . : A Liberal Case Against Polygamy. This was a very uncertain and painful time for me. Finding the right path for their family also provides an opportunity for bonding. It is still bound to have some of the same relationship issues that we all face from time to time. Im in computer programming, which should tell you how much I love interacting with people, he says with a laugh. He's not a wealthy man, he has another family and I accepted that.'. 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She said that she convinced her husband for 2nd marriage because of her illness. Here are some people revealing the truth of what polygamous relationships are really like. Instead it is the familiar routine of waking to an arm around your waist, the companionable bathroom talk with mouths full of toothpaste, and the idea that someone will know if you dont make it home at night. Could be many factors, but since a person in the marriage has already gone through a divorce, the option seems available and not as scary. But by then, no one can picture you without that first friend. Constitutionally, polygamy raises important issues under the free exercise clause of the First Amendment. It could have been the man's problem too. She was very much disturbed and afraid of losing her husband. Problematic: Polygamy can be problematic from a legal and religious way. Invest in the future today. When even used-car dealers dont regard themselves as purveyors of second-hand merchandise, when second-hand clothes stores are now consignment shops, why should I stick with the second-wife moniker? Growing up my mother was abused by my father, Thembi says as she wipes away a tear. Then there is the hardship of making a living by yourself as a single person. They dream big. Incidentally, polygamy is illegal for non-Muslims according to Federal law but is allowed for Muslim men under Sharia Law. You get easily insecure and offended as you feel that everything your spouse does revolve around his ex-wife and kids. Mrs. Gulzar who was 36 years first wife told as she came to know her husband has a hidden marriage with Miss Nasreen. "We being realistic have accepted the co-wives". The main strength of this study is that it provides preliminary data on women in polygamous marriages and the foundation for further research. In this case, I would prefer to keep my marriage to make sure my children have a bright future," she . So, she accepted this relationship. The study is not against polygamy but the need to improve the family structure of polygamous families is a major concern. Too many people are dying because of the conflict between monogamy and polygamy. Polygamy is often confused with polyamory and bigamy. They were much younger than my mother, just eight years older than me. Third theme: The coping strategies used by polygamous women have included faith in religion, fate role, and compromise with the co-wives. It is permissible for women and their family guardians to stipulate a condition in the marriage contract that the husband may not marry a second wife against her will. He dearly loved his wife, Mary Ann Angell. So second marriages tend to have less of the giddiness and more of the serious daily life attached. She described that she was completely alone with her daughters after her husband's second marriage. What are the disadvantages of being a second wife? Both verbal and written consent was obtained. For 14 free days, you can have access to a world of in-depth analyses, investigative journalism, top opinions and a range of features. However later on she has also accepted co-wife because of infertility and destiny. She does not have an apartment . Go figure. My husband is as much a second husband as Im a second wife. You didnt grow up thinking; I cant wait until I meet a divorced man! Divorce can be an expensive proposition. Mrs. Ahmad being 2nd wife told that after second marriage "I and my co-wife did not get along; our children also did not get along, and there was constant bickering between us. She stated I prefer not to attend the same social function or activity with my rival (co-wife). Gabe and I interact regularly with our exes and their new spouses, former in-laws, and current in-laws. Love and (Polygamous) Marriage? "Eva*, now 60 was married to my father for 28 years, and then one day he said he would like to add two more wives - they were twins," she recalls. Six were first (senior) wives, four were second wives, and one was the 3rd wife in status. The findings of the study indicate that polygamy is a painful and bitter pill for most women to swallow. All the above shows that there is really no marriage between the both parties. Since this is nobody's tremulous, maiden love affair, get ready to handle some emotional baggage as a second wife. And there remains a slight sense of imbalance. Polyandry is a specific term used to describe marriages between one wife and at least two husbands. Could Your Relationship Benefit from Marital Counseling? He proposed for marriage to me as a second wife. disadvantages of being a second wife islam. Disadvantages (Demerits) Of Polygamous Marriage 1. Three themes emerged from the study based on findings. In 1994, the Haryana Panchayati Raj Act disallowed people with more than two children from contesting local elections. He loved her, and I was fond of her, Lillian says. Their average marriage duration was 11 years and living in the same house or compound. Bigger families imply more connections. The disadvantage of being a second wife Sense of insecurity The second wife will face insecurity toward her husband which will take her in a severe sense of doubts and auspiciousness. Marriage Counseling vs. It just means that being a second wife comes with a lot of challenges along the way. Eva wasn't happy, but her husband went ahead and traditionally married the two women without her consent. The sensitivity and the comfort level of discussing polygyny may have affected the sample size. But few years passed her husband was involved with another lady and married after few years. The second wife shouldn't marry unless he promises to tell the first wife. But here I am, married to a man who was married before.
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