In the Golf of Mexico! Bruce Lansky, Author. Bob Bruce One of the advantages bowling has over golf is that you seldom lose a bowling ball. So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. When your golf cart capsizes. The end. Perhaps it's the depth of (often negative) emotion the average golfer feels as a result of the game that inspires him to wax poetic. Excuse me, Miss, are you looking for the fairway? You are signed up for our newsletter! The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user. We have compiled the best list of pick up lines with references to golf style, golf clubs, golf course, and various famous golf celebrity. He couldnt stop puttzing around! It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I cant play it. Where is the best place to go on vacation? So what's it gonna be today, Stroke Play or Skins? "The value of routine; trusting your swing." - Lorii Myers. Missed the ball and sank the divot. Spread your legs a little more. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired. I have 10 sons, one more and I will have my own football team., To which the Mormon replies, You fellas aint got a clue. What should you do if you're golfing near lightning? In case he gets a hole in one. William Topaz McGonagall, Golf epitomizes the tame world. Weve put together a list of our favorite jokes, golf puns, and one-liners you can bust out on the course, the range, or the pub to try and laugh off that 102 you just shot. They say golf is like life, but dont believe them. Have a look at these best picture quotes of funny golf. He hauls off and whacks onebig hitter, the Lamalong, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. How can you tell which golfer is a womanizer? Because I'm going to come after you aggressively and probably leave a ball mark. Why dont grasshoppers play golf? The worst day of mini golf beats the best day of work. Go Premium to get full access to our most advanced on-course and improvement features. Palmer, how do you make a 3 iron back up like that?, Mr. Palmer replied, Do you own a 3 iron?. Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated; it satisfies the soul and frustrates the intellect. Man: Please dont go. Of course, says the old man, when I was your age, that tree was only three feet tall.. Wanna be my caddy? "Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off.". Wodehouse, A great golfers mtier is his or her golfing skill, coupled with the mastery of good sportsmanship, rendering him or her an ambassador for the sport. no! Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? After shooting 30 over par after 18 holes, Jim is on his way home from the 18th having a chat with his Karen. How do you know a golfer is cheating on his wife? It keeps you young. Patty Berg, 29. What does masturbation and 4 putting have in common? 150 Puns From All Walks of Life. Moe Norman, ALL of us play our very best game / Any other time / Golf or billiards, its all the same / Any other time / Lose a match and you always say, Just my luck! / They havent turned up, and I doubt if they will. Where can you find a golfer on a Saturday night? Tiagra. USE OF AND/OR REGISTRATION ON ANY PORTION OF THIS SITE CONSTITUTES ACCEPTANCE OF OURVISITOR AGREEMENT(UPDATED 1/6/23),PRIVACY AND COOKIES NOTICE(UPDATED 1/4/23) ANDCALIFORNIA PRIVACY NOTICE. 1. Get a Free Golf Handicap in the 18Birdies App. I had a hole in nothing. Golf is a lot like life. Ellis Parker Butler, Its good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. I stepped on a rake. You can talk about strategy all you want, but what really matters is resiliency. Hale Irwin, 50. How do you know you should be a golfer? They call it golf because all the other four letter words were taken. Ray Floyd, 41. Important advice: if you golf during the election, make sure you cast your absent-tee ballot! But there is a difference between playing well and hitting the ball well. Being a thoughtful person, and a social being, I find it very amusing to explore people's thoughts, observations, and experiences. Because if you aren't hurt, you're not really trying. These words carry the feeling for those you care about and those who care about you. 4. And maybe thats why the highs were so high and the lows felt so low. . To find a mans true character, play golf with him. P.G. I just got a call my wife has had a life threatening car accident and Im worried I might not make it.. Golf is the easiest game in the world. Like a PGA Tour pro once said to his pro-am partners, youre not good enough to get angry. So dont even try it. I'll let you beat me. If there has been one fundamental reason for my success, this is it. Gene Sarazen, 22. Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do. Bruce Crampton, 63. What does he do if you miss a putt?, Friend: Somersaults? Fantastic 4-some. Bye Bye Birdie. Furthermore, the old man moves along without wasting any time. Your second mental problem is concentration. 56 Golf Pick Up Lines Many golfing terms sound naughty. Ben Hogan. The man took a step back from his ball, closed his eyes and said a quick prayer. "We learn so many things from golfhow to suffer, for instance." Lansky's quote is funny because, well, as golfers we're all a little bit masochistic. Wodehouse, Golf is Not a great sport. Its almost a law. For you only, all the funny golf quotes images have been created that you are going to explore now. Recently, I have discovered that Blogging can be quite a useful way, to share. Please add a link to this site. Whats the shortest distance between the tee and the hole? Why are golf and sex so similar? You grind it out. Tiger Woods, 54. Golf: A five mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments. had to choose, right ? Top Ten Golf Phrases That Sound Dirty But Aren't: 10. ", Watch their eyes. It is at the same time rewarding and maddening and it is without a doubt the greatest game mankind has ever invented. Arnold Palmer, 2. The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his obviously bulging pants. Jim Murray. Why did Tarzan spend so much time at the golf course? You really whacked the hell out of that sucker. "Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.". That's why I'm hoping you, Bleacher Report readers, will add some of your own content in the comments. What did Chamillionaire say when he came in a stroke under par? What is a golfers favorite bird? As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact a 7-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball. They like cricket better. Tahiti who? You look like someone who likes to swing. The next minute youre hemorrhaging. If the point of golf is to hit the ball less, then do I win if I don't play at all? I chipped in from the rough! He was puttering around. They have a hard drive. Keep smiling and join us on Social, we'd love to have you over. The flowing robes, the grace, bald striking. but I can show you what is! P. G. Wodehouse, The difference between a good golf shot and a bad one is the same as the difference between a beautiful and a plain woman a matter of millimeters. On the Green In Two. Get in the hole! Ive got some real trouble down here., Don comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out: Whats the matter, John? Showing 1 to 56 of 56 entries Click me to show the form! "Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at.". These funny golf sayings are gathered here from all over the web so that they can serve your purpose. Why did Arnold Palmer get beat up? To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. 3 of 10. Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I had to choose, right?" The grass is clean, a lawn laundry that wipes away the mud, the insect, the bramble, nettle, and thistle, an Eezy-wipe lawn where nothing of life, dirty and glorious, remains. fodrizzle. J.R. Rim, Till saints and angels hymn forevermore / The miracle of your astounding score / And He who keeps all players in His sight / Walking the royal and ancient hills of light / Standing benignant at the eighteenth hole / To everlasting Golf consigns your soul. THE MATERIAL ON THIS SITE MAY NOT BE REPRODUCED, DISTRIBUTED, TRANSMITTED, CACHED OR OTHERWISE USED, EXCEPT WITH THE PRIOR WRITTEN PERMISSION OF DISCOVERY GOLF, INC. 2023 DISCOVERY GOLF, INC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, 15 very funny (and occasionally inappropriate) golf memes, 17 Awful (But Mostly Funny) Golf Fails from 2013, This new Top Flite commercial is sophomoric, inappropriate, and very funny. James Murray, Enjoyment of golf, regardless of the level you play at, is primarily based on how closely you play to your level of ability. If a man comes home with sand in his cuffs and cockleburs in his pants, don't ask him what he shot. Golf Club Distance & Driving Distances for Women Golfers, Providing a Community & Womens Golf Resources, How to Build Consistency in Your Golf Game, Golf is Hard. You will find the quotes being used everywhere, coming from ordinary people like us, who are just famous. He said. Mulligans are the reason golf balls come three to a sleeve. They expect to succeed! I like big putts and I cannot lie. For true success, it matters what our goals are. We collected these beautiful images with quotes about funny golf for you because we understand the value of your thoughts and feeling. No, but I'm willing to screw in them. "I was married to her for 35 years." 2. John excitedly calls out to his golfing partner: Hey Don, come here. Your fifth putt. Many of them contain words and phrases that are unable to grace this slideshow. How do you "Tiger" proof a golf course? Are you looking for some funny jokes? I'm gonna pound you like I do these range balls. It's not the size of your putter that counts, its how many strokes you take. His playing partner: Wow that was one of the most beautiful things that I have ever witnessed., Man: Well, I was married to her for 30 years.. In a way, this quote is a stand-in for the entire volume of comedic wit and great golf quotes in Caddyshack. He sat down next to a beautiful blonde. What's the difference between a golfball and a Nissan? 6. That's mispronounced Spanish for cat which is another word foryou get the idea. 1. Golf got its name because all of the other four-letter words were taken. Discover and share Dirty Quotes For Women Golfers. I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyones game: its called an eraser. Arnold Palmer, the King of golf and comedy apparently. He's the one getting his balls cleaned. The cat crawls out at night to smoke them and we are trying to get him to quit. On a golf course, nature is neutered. I prayed that I would react well if I missed. Chi Chi Rodriguez, 44. From the moment I saw you, I've had a vertical shaft angle. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "Its golf balls." If you can smoke and drink while youre doin it, its not a sport. The means are as important as the ends. I asked my caddie what he thought of my game. And now it will be poisoned for you. No matter how badly you play, always remember its possible to play even worse. No other game combines the wonder of nature with the discipline of sport in such carefully planned ways. I was off to-day! Michael Connelly, The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course. He doesnt hit the ball very far, but it goes straight. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes. Tiger Woods can drive a ball three hundred yards! He attacks it. Big pupils lead to big scores. The brush is quite thick, but he searches diligently and suddenly he spots something shiny. Golfing is a lot like masturbation. I've been playing golf all day and would love to make you my 19th hoe. Or on top." "I have lovemaking with you a lot in my head." "Let's have a 'who's better in b3d' contest. You must be over 18 years old to visit this site. Andy to ave a water golf ball retriever for the round with you! "Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. All he knows how to play with is Clubs! My caddy says I should use a hard 7. It can be difficult. What's worst than Elin Nordegren smashing your face in with a 9 iron? A smart shot is when you dont have the guts to try it. Phil Mickelson, 4. Top Ten Golf Phrases That Sound Dirty But Aren't All Spiritual Signs & Inspirational Signs, TV Stands, Media Tables, & Media Furniture, The Most Important Things In Life Aren't Things. Whos there? You may share any of these heartfelt photos with funny golf quotes without hesitation. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? See you in the Email! For more great quotes on life, golf and from books and authors, check out this site and this site. Lift your head and spread your legs. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions. A young man with a few hours to spare one afternoon figures that if he hurries and plays very fast, he can get in nine holes before he has to head home. Tahiti hole in one, you need to hit the golf ball straight. A great shot is when you pull it off. He grabs his 7-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball. Bring some friends, and we can play a foursome. Boo who? The reason most politicians are golfers is that they lie better with more practice & experience. 2. Its not just enough to swing at the ball. "If everything was given to you, it wouldn't feel as good when you achieve it." Annika Sorenstam 24. We have a threesome, care to join us? Ellis Parker Butler, When we watch pro golfers, we expect them to play well, to make the shots we know we cant, and to be entertaining. 2. Are you a water hazard? 3. Jack Benny. After his practice round he noticed a beautiful young woman by the clubhouse. I like to go low. Ewan McGregor, It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. Many golfing terms sound naughty. Because he walked into the wrong club! My shaft is bent. Full Text: Thank you for still being my friend even though I only talk about my horse and I smell like a barn. "Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off." Bruce Lansky 15 of 50 Scott Halleran/Getty Images "On a recent survey, 80 percent of golfers admitted cheating. She makes sure he practices having a stroke first to make sure he's handicapped when he meets a blond working at one. Keep your sense of humor. Paul Gallico, I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles. It took me 17 years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. People may find dirty jokes shocking or disgusting, but no one can deny they're funny as hell! Confidence is the most important single factor in this game, and no matter how great your natural talent, there is only one way to obtain and sustain it: work. Jack Nicklaus, 3. Guys will spend at least 5 minutes looking for a golf ball. Discover the views of a person who feels the same way we do. Why dont skeletons play golf? A two-foot putt on the practice green doesnt spark many doubts. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? When is it too wet to play golf? I was actually enjoying it. If you drink, dont drive. Required fields are marked *. Your competitors are not allowed to hinder you, as they are in other sports. You're like an ugly dog-leg, but I'd still like to tee off. Nothing it should have ducked. Jay Griffiths, Golf without mistakes is like watching haircuts. I love you and I want you to stay with me., Woman: You dont understandIm a hooker., Man: That is no problem, darlin, you probably just have too strong a grip.. See photos about 15 very funny (and occasionally inappropriate) golf memes from Golf Digest Bring some friends, and we can play a foursome. Therefore weve combined it together and compiled these hilarious Golf Jokes for Seniors that Im sure youll like. Ben Hogan, Give me golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. Choose 22. Required fields are marked *. Photo: Shutterstock. Kurt Philip Behm, The reason they call it golf is that all the other 4 letter words were used up. Colleen Ferrary Bader, Behold, my child, this touching scene, the golfer on the golfing-green / Pray mark his legs uncanny swing / The golf-walk is a gruesome thing! A two-foot putt to win a bet or a tournament or a Masters is another thing entirely. That I am sure of will make your day full of joy! Robert Fuller Murray, The uglier a mans legs are, the better he plays golf. 20. It took one afternoon on the golf course. No matter what you shoot the next day you have to go back to the first tee and begin again and make yourself into something. Play golf. The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest golf cart never has to play the bad lie. Mickey Mantle, owner of one of the sweetest swings in baseball, not so much in golf. "You think so much of your old golf game that you don't even remember Robert Fuller Murray, Golf is a fascinating game. Winston S. Churchill, You ought to take more exercise if youre inclined to have a liver. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. I am a Musician. Lorii Myers, Long, long afterward, in a whin / I found the golf-ball, black as sin / But the five shillings are missing still! Although the same can be said of the rest of the items on this list, just reading the quote doesn't really do justice to its comedic value. Two, be your own person. Why not! clubs. Because you coming back to my hotel is the only fair way for this evening to go. And it matters how we go about attaining them. The guys who come I, with my lovely Wishian team, gather the expressions, sort them out, organize them with suitable background images, and serve them to you. Tell me what your favorite sports game is, and I will tell you, who you are. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional Full Text: My windows aren't dirty, that's just my dog's nose art! As in, surf the web, gather knowledge, and share them. What are a golfers favorite flowers? Id cry too if I played golf like you. It means, in so many words, that if you can golf when the wind is blowing youre a man; if not, youre still a boy. Damn, my shaft's all bent. Here, have a carrot! I have always had a drive that pushed me to try for perfection, and golf is a game that perfection stays just out of reach. Betsy Rawls, 12. You've got the nicest boobs I've seen outside a PGA Tour locker room. Sam Snead, Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun. So, what are your thoughts? Knock, knock -Lee Trevino I did it in one afternoon on the golf course." What's the difference between a golf ball and a car? You must remember not to remember to think. I hope you like it rough because I don't replace my divots. Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. Joey Adams, A well-hit golf shot is a feeling that goes up the shaft, right through your hands, and into your heart. What do you getll a blonde at the driving range? After some deliberation, he takes out his 3 iron and sails the ball 20 feet over the pin, and backs it up to within 3 feet of the pin. Their expectation, however, is very different. A golf ball can be driven 300 yards. Gerald Ford, I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because Id spent about half the day in the woods. / In despair my overburdened spirit sinks / Till I wish that every golfer was in glory / And I pray the sea may overflow the links. Because it would interrupt their tea time. What is the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball lost in the rough? See more ideas about golf quotes funny, golf, golf quotes. Billy Graham, Show me a man who is a good loser and Ill show you a man who is playing golf with his boss. The battle that raged inside each players head. 3. if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); You wont be able to keep your head down long enough. Golf is very much like a love affair. 5. Robert Fuller Murray, I am relying on the theory that playing golf is just like riding a bike and that I havent forgotten how. Paul Harvey, While playing golf today I hit two good balls. Although worried this will slow him up, the younger man says, Of course. To his surprise, the old man plays quickly. 1. I figured my local caddy knew this course a whole lot better than me, so I just put my hand out and played whatever club he put in it. See more ideas about golf humor, golf, humor. Philip Wyeth, Hitting down is an important part of iron play. Whats the difference between a golf ball and a car? Youre too out-of-shape to play in the church softball league. Henry Beard, If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you dont have to waste energy going back to pick it up. Lorii Myers, Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an ever smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. Check out these hilarious jokes that are guaranteed to make you smile. "Hockey is a sport for white men. Siegfried Sassoon, Golf is the infallible test. Why do golfers carry a spare pair of golf shorts? A bad hole wont get you a slap across the face when you play golf. I promise to lick your balls clean and polish your shaft before and after each use during the upcoming golf season. Why didnt the golfer finish his homework? Your email address will not be published. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges Full Text: Please do not drop your cigarette butts on the ground. You made an 11 on a Par 3 hole? That round was so poor, I think Im going to jump into the lake by the 16th and drown myself, I honestly doubt that. The actor's quote relays an essential truth: Even the most mild-mannered golfer tends to lose his head when he sees or suspects someone else has hit or picked up his golf ball. Lift your head and spread your legs. Who taught Elin Nordegren to swing a golf club? If you break 80, watch your business. Please sign up with your best email address. 8. You hit down to make the ball go up. What do you jot down if you dont remember if you hit a 6 or a 7? If you like football - I would rather think that you are active, optimistic and strict a bit. You "Putt" Me In A Great Mood. 1. What did Sir Mixalot say after sinking a 14-footer on the green, saving a terrible 3rd stroke into the rough? Achieve more with each and every round you play.Go Premium to et full access to our most advanced on-course and improvement features. The friend is quite amazed: That dog is really talented! After 18 holes, I can barely walk. What do you call a blonde at the driving range? So what are you waiting for? At the golf corpse! Two men were playing a round golf, one of the men was just about to make his golf swing when he noticed a large funeral group passing by on a nearby road. I'm Tiger Woods. H. G. Wells, The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie. 3. A man got on a bus with both of his front pant pockets full of golf balls. Clubbing. When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit. Dave Barry, If you drink, dont drive. The 19th hole. 3. Ben Hogan, And theres many neat cottages with gardens very nice / And picturesque villas, which can be rented at a reasonable price / Besides, theres a golf course for those that such a game seeks / Which would prove a great attraction to the knights of clubs and cleeks. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know?" Besides that, I love to explore. Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you. "Golf is the perfect thing to do on a Sunday because you spend more time praying on the course than if you went to church." brockoli117 on Reddit.com. That means if you click and purchase, I may receive a small commission. Use these pick up lines to your advantage in starting a chat with your guy or girl. I love silly, funny, nerdy, quirky jokes. Just as in life, you are presented with options; its up to you to decide which ones suit you best. Sandra Haynie, 30. Jeff Foxworthy, In order to develop a golf swing, your thoughts must run in the right direction. "Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.". Most Funny Golf Quotes about Daylight by Ben Hogan Funny Dirty Golf Pictures With Quotes. It was a sunny Saturday morning, and Mike was beginning his pre-shot routine, visualizing his upcoming shot when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker: Would the gentleman on the Ladies tee please back up to the mens tee, please!. Just ask my ex -wives. I Am Shuvo Saha. Knock, knock nay I my child, and eke, oh! Ben Hogan, The golf swing has been endlessly analyzed, and yet it still remains a mystery. Enjoy! Golf is a puzzle without an answer. I wanna take out your golf clubs and score a HOLE in 1. Drop some in the comments! Fore! Quotes tagged as "golf" Showing 1-30 of 130. 4. Jokes4us.com Privacy Policy, submissons by: az11107, jemallor, 21ob, dudedudester1, racke78, mcsheehy54, konczalangelia, fourq2. 23+ Revolutionary Sayings From Corrie Ten Boom | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 52+ Knowledgeable Sayings On Cosmetologist | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 43+ Motivating Sayings On Hungry | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, TOP 50 Inspirational Golf Quotes & Sayings | Download Images, 58+ Funny Tennis Quotes | Free Images & Pictures Download, TOP 50 Funny Sports Quotes | HD Images & Pictures Download. I'm a bit tired so how about we just play your backside tonight? As he approached the threesome, he said Hey guys, do you mind if I play through.

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